I had to place my physically disabled, but mostly cognizant, husband in a nursing home.

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It is still breaking my heart 5 months later. I spend at least a couple of hours with him every day. I feel like he is in a good facility...but still, the guilt is unbearable.
I want to take him home, but realize that I can't. Some days are good, some bad. I feel like my day depends on how I perceived him during our last visit...my life is still not my own, and I am beginning to think that I am falling apart at the seams.

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My heart goes out to you! My husband's dementia is progressing and I greatly fear that I may be forced into this decision, too. Of course you want to take him home! I want to keep my husband home. But we have to do what is best for them, and that is a very complex decision with many driving factors.

I am sure that you did not make the decision lightly. All things considered, is he getting the best possible care where he is?

If you can not provide the level of care he can get in a specialized environment with a staff of trained professionals, then if you did insist on bringing him home you'd feel guilty about depriving him of the level of care he needs.

We can't win. I'm afraid guilt is a constant companion. The best we may be able to hope for is to be able to push the guilt far enough into the background that we can do what we have to do, and make reasonable objective decisions.

Are you in counselling? Do you think that might help?

My heart-felt best wishes to you, and to your husband.
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