The Pity Party continues.

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Visited Mommie Dearest in her nursing home today ("MD"). She was insistent that she could come live with me ... nope, tiny house and steps, plus she can't sit up or stand and I explained to her that I can't lift her and how would she get to the bathroom? In addition I explained how she needs care 24/7 and can't be left alone - been there, done that for almost four years. I need to go at least grocery shopping and she would not allow anyone in the house.

She said to me today "well I could have a bell or siren that would wake you in the night" ... Oh joy, something to look forward to and there's nowhere on God's green earth she's ever coming near my home. She's been the witch from hell all her life, has no friends, clings to me and tries to manipulate and make me feel guilty ... not happening.

She's been in the NH for two and a half years now,always;ways screaming, ranting and raving about being "in prison". Though she's now so weak she's still on at it. I tried to explain to her that she needs care around the clock " Ok, I can have a bell or siren to wake you in the night" ... seriously??? That I might need to sleep doesn't matter, it's all about her and always has been
Today she said to me "I have a daughter who threw me in here". Actually her doc recommended it. Her father had a daughter but when her mother died she refused to care for him, even though he could wash, dress,shave and go to the bathroom ,,, it would be too much trouble Her mother was an angel and to this day MD doesn't know if she was buried, cremated or put out with the garbage..

I'm so very tired tonight ... stress ... but my critters are all fed and comfy They are what matter most to me ...growing up with abusive MD ... and she was going after me and any boyfriend I had when I was 22 and I escaped to Canada, She had to follow didn't she.

On my visit today she wanted to know my home address. Yeah, well, in her dementia some time ago she imagined I'd said I'd be right back from shopping and she obsessed for days how she could get "someone" to come to my house. I Need the cops turning u? She did this to me 20 years ago when she wasn't batty. It's just a control/manuipulation thing but we grow up with it and know nothing else.

Now I just want her to die. I have a plated meal in the microwave but I doubt I'll eat it. Tomorrow is another day. I'll sleep and wash it all away as best I can.

For those of you dealing with narcissists put your foot down immediately and if that doesn;'t work run far away. . MD destroyed my life and emotionally beat the hell out of my dear father until she put him, in his grave.

My apologies but visiting is is getting awful and knocks me sideways. Tomorrow is another day.


Big hugs, Ashlynne. Many of us understand. I would not blame you for cutting contact as much as possible. It is too hard on you. You need to put your life back together without her. Siren or bell... I had to laugh at that one. Do you think that narcissistic people can ever see the other side of things?

you forgot to include your extreme contempt for men ashlynne . im disappointed ..
Ashlynne, good heavens, a siren? Oh great, you're in a deep sleep and the siren goes off... I would be diving under the bed thinking the U.S. had been invaded !! Imagine trying to go back to sleep after that.

As Jessie mentioned above, time to start cutting contact. Start stretching those visits over the calendar. Sounds like your Mom won't be happy if you visited three times a day, or three times a month.
Hearing you loud and clear, roger that. Thankfully, we do have a place to put these rants and try to get some cathartic effect. I used to do healthy things for myself as well, to balance out the caregiving stress. Lately, I don't even see where I would find the time for that - gym, juicing, *anything.* Well, I don't know if it's lack of time or complete lack of energy. My god, am I tired lately.

Just wanted to say that I hear you. :-) I don't have advice, unfortunately. Be well, do whatever it is you have to do to get to a better spot.
Captain, nasty as ever aren't you.
Let it go. Don't sound like you owe mom anything. She's going to be nasty no matter what you do. BTW, you have horses? Do you need a couple more? Talk about caregiving.......Try elderly rescue horses.
Captains posts always make me feel...well, more normal.

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