SHOWTIMERS--she can fool people into thinking she does not have dementia.

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Yup. That is a good description of showtiming. I don't know if all forms of dementia can manage this, but I know first-hand that it is common in Lewy Body Dementia. It would be interesting to hear who else has experienced this.
My Mom has vascular dementia and does it all the time, for my out of town sibs, for the nurse practitioner , for friends. But in front of the 4 of us who take turns staying round the clock with her, she hallucinates, is at time delusional "why did you take my money" p, is disoriented abut Tim, "that clock is set on California time"
Yesterday, my out of town brothers were here for dinner. It was nice because we were all together for what likely is one of he last times we'll be together at the same time. She was FINE, all day. Brother says "she's seems perfectly fine to me". My comment was try being the one caring for her two days at a time.
Thoughts to all those who are dealing with this situation.
Question: how does one know when it's time to start making decisions for a loved one with dementia?
Btw- once the "show" is over, she is TOTALLY exhausted and can get mean for a period of time. Dr. appt. tomorrow, should be interesting....
I saw your comment about your mother and Vascular Dementia. My cousin has that and in the beginning she was able to get by without people knowing. I knew something was off, but even healthcare workers who helped her when she fractured her foot, did not pick up on it. They thought she was being mean and lazy. Later, it all made sense. By then, there was no hiding it. Still, there were days that I would scratch my head, but they grew fewer by time.

With the doctor visit, I would write down what you are seeing and slip to the doctor so he can read just before the visit. That will alert him to the situation. Has he done any in office evaluations yet? By the time I got my cousin to her primary she did NOT do well on the mini eval. It wasn't even close. She immediately said my cousin could not live alone.

Even though you say that your mom acts fine around other people, what about her own needs? Can she take care of her own meals, paying bills, driving, household duties, taking medications, etc. I noticed that you say you take turns staying with her. Even people who's memory is not too bad are not able to handle most of their daily activities. If that is the case, I'd let the doctor be aware of that, if you are trying to demonstrate her mental decline, I stress how she isn't able to run her own household, without people staying there around the clock.
My mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia as well...and she does that all the time. She blends in conversations in public like everything is fine...but when she gets in, she falls RIGHT to sleep.

After that, she slows

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