New generation, parents living longer, where did MY life go?
Anyone else in my situation? ...my kids grew up going to "Grandmas" for Holidays (my mother and my husband's mom). Once my kids grew up, started their own families, that tradition continued.
At one point i started asking if we could have a holiday dinner at MY HOUSE once in awhile. Well, by then it was hard for the old folks to travel. Then my dad died but my kids said they HAD TO go to Grandmas because she needed them now more than ever. Surely I could see that. Well I offered to have the gathering at my house & bring Grandma here. Well but... that would mess up the plans of the OTHER GRANDKIDS. Then after a few more years, I was told, sorry Mom, but as long as Grandma is still alive, we will continue going there. Then it was, sorry Mom, yeah we know Grandma's in AL now but.. Well, by now our kids are getting older & we are all used to doing our holidays with the other side of the family... & now we also want to have Holidays at OUR OWN house..& we can only make it to just so many places!! Why can't you understand Mom??
So, I have tried for years to be "the flexible one", offering to have it on a different day, or on one evening, either during the week or the weekend but they never seemed to be able to work it out. I can count on one hand how many times I've had my own family gathered at my table. So, here I am at 61, spent most of my life aiding my mom who is able to remember literally hundreds of gatherings at her home, while I have teenage grandkids who never came to my house for a holiday ON THE DAY...& many years not at all. I never once saw my beautiful granddaughters in their Easter dresses..only photos taken at my ex-husband's family.
My life has been a series of disappointments, major life challenges involving 2 abusive spouses, with my health declining along with my parents, and ...guess what??...time went swiftly by,... my kids grew up...and now so have my grandchildren. I am still the only one taking care of mom's needs as best i can ... but i listen to her reminisce about the good old days... and I have to wonder:
Where did * my * life go???