I'm new here and I feel like I found you all in the nick of time. My parents are in their 80s and their health has been failing rapidly over the past two years. This week both of them were hospitalized....Dad for seizures Mom for flu complications. They are both on tons of meds and have serious heart issues.
My parents are self employed, running a demanding small business that barely pays their bills. They have no savings Dad does not believe in putting money in the back) Years ago they should have made efforts to wind things down to a more manageable level but would not even consider it. The financial demands of the business are outstripping their ability to bring in revenue and it is causing them both terrible stress (they don't mind sharing that). They are both paranoid and secretive about their affairs and will not discuss what they might need in the inevitable event that they can no longer keep up with the pace that is required of them. They are leaning more and more on us for help but will not even consider making any meaningful changes. I gave up trying to talk to them about it a long time ago.
It is likely my Dad will no longer be allowed to drive because of his seizures and my mother is a real danger behind the wheel so the crisis has reached a critical point. I do what I can, but I live almost an hour away from them and I too struggle with a small business so my time and funds are limited.
Our family has struggled with dysfunctional dynamics for generations and is rife with mental illness. I have two siblings a brother and sister. I won't go into it, but I have had to learn to detach from them both for the sake of my own emotional well being. My brother is stepping in to help which is a nice surprise (he never really did before) but my sister has a very combative nature and at this time is keeping her distance.
I know things are only going to get worse and I am filled with dread. Both my parents are angry, demanding, stubborn people. They are deteriorating both physically and mentally but are in complete denial. If I even hint at trying to talk about planning for their future needs they act like I am sticking my nose where it does not belong. My Dad has always controlled their finances to the point where my mother is not allowed to even ask questions about it. She is actually fine with this and has told me on many occasions that she would not have it any other way. I can't even think about what will happen if she is left alone.
The train wreck is coming, of that I have no doubt. There is nothing I can do to stop it. I know it's not healthy to dwell on what is to come, but it's so hard when the writing is on the wall.