I plan on continuing to tell mom, "Do not question my character."
My mother is a worrier and fretter. Tonight she came into my room and I knew it wouldn't be good. Nothing good ever comes from her coming into my room at night. She said the house is falling down around our ears and we need to spend thousands to get it fixed. Then she said she was worried. She wanted to know how much money she had. I told her, as I always do. It is the same amount of money she had when my father died, maybe a bit more. Then she said she knew I had been money like crazy and she was going to have to take away the credit card.
Okay, I know we're told to let these things roll off our backs. But then we're also told to honor our parents when we are being abused as children. I take care of her without pay, take care of my own bills, live in the most modest two rooms, put up with 24/7 craziness, and have never asked for a thing. I had just taken her out to dinner on my dime. Grrr! Anyway, I didn't let it roll off. I said that she had the same amount of money as always and I had not been spending her money like crazy. I told her I wouldn't because I had character. I may have lost everything else when I left Texas, but I still had my character. And I was proud of it. And she would NOT question my character. Period.
I told her she was welcome to have her credit card and all her banking back, but I didn't know how she would get to the store or bank. These are things I do for her, and I do them free of charge. And I keep doing it, despite all the problems, because I am kind of like Horton.
I plan to keep saying Do not question my character. If something feels like abuse, it is, and we don't have to take abuse quietly IMO.