Isn't it funny how when your parent comes to live with you all your friends scatter.

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Where do all your friends go when you are tied up in a house all day long? It's like you have a disease or something. Sad, because that's when we need our friends the most. They aren't dealing with it now but you never know what's in the future.


So true.... and not only friends but family members too.
sometimes people just don't know what the right thing to do is..all the dynamics of your previous world change, so maybe that will too. My parents also recently moved in with me..... it can be rough sometimes. Do you have other family support around? We do...but we don't...if you get my drift. Do they need to be cared for or can they be left alone? if they can be left alone, it could be a great opportunity for you to rekindle your friendships out of the house and free of responsibility for a little while.... then it's a win win. your friends get you back in their lives and so do you!
You are so very right CarmenP. I took care of my mother for 23 years and never heard from family members. Have been taking care of my husband now for 10 years. I had to retire early in order to be with him, and the "friends" I thought I'd had at work have pretty much disappeared. No phone calls, not even an e-mail. It's a lonely life, and not what I looked forward to as my retirement. I'm also finding it hard to live in an ever smaller piece of life. We were unable to have children so it is just the two of us, and our three felines. I wish that I had an answer, but I haven't found one yet. Good luck and know that you are not alone. Take care of yourself!
It is true-I was vain and tried to prove I could due it on my own -which was a big mistake on my part-I did ask a friend to call me from time to time-she did not-but I could have called her myself-again being vein-I can not do a do over but can help the people in the caregivers support group I and other former caregives attend at our senior center.
I know what you mean - all of you. When my 95 year old aunt came to live with me 3 years ago, all my friends became dots on the horizon. They still go to church and talk about the need of being a good neighbor and Christian -- I sure could use a few of those! When I run into people who dropped me, the first thing they ask is, "Do you still .. er, is your aunt still. . ." I tell them, yes, she's fine, thanks for asking, and they stand there doing the head bob, looking out to the horizon (where they probably wish they were). But then . . . I think about people I've known in the past who were dealing with some similar situation. Did I call them & offer help? Never. I figured they had everything covered, and maybe they did. Those were all families, and I'm alone. So, I don't know how to think about this problem. My family is greedy and mercenary, who stole all they could from my aunt before abandoning her. I won't hear from them until she dies and they want to see the will. My friends? Maybe they think I want to be let alone. We caregivers seem to have broken some cardinal rule of US life. When a family member gets disabled or old, put them away. If you don't, society puts you away. I have been on both sides of that, I guess, but never thought about it till now. So, I do what I can for a friend who can't leave her home, add her errands to mine, come by to visit, call on the phone, bring her a surprise meal -- why? Not because I'm a saint (watch out for my wings when I make a quick turn) but for my own personal growth. I don't want to be that person who deserts those who need help. Ok, end of sermon. "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not get bent out of shape."Amen.
Ya learn who your True friends are - or aren't.
An ol' saying is: "The more I see of people, the more I love my pets."
to lversaci, I think you would find that work friends disappear after you retire and that has little to do with you being a caretaker. It is out of sight, out of mind. If you want them in your life I suggest you call them... you reach out. But CarmenP, there is something about caring for someone who is at the end of life. And I agree that is it also family. I am caring for my grandfather and I see less family around than before he become sick. We had some out of town family come in to visit and held an "open house" gathering. I had an appt was was late getting back to the house. Everyone was in the kitchen talked and leaving grampa out of the conversation in the livingroom alone. I had to tell them that they needed to move the conversation into the livingroom so he could participate. It seems the average person can not handle mortality. I get emails telling me how important he is to them but I do not see actions to support that. Not sure there is an answer other than to tell you that you are not alone with this problem. It is so sad... like somehow they think they will catch something. I went to a friend's cookout. Her uncle was dying of cancer. I found him on the deck alone and not one of the family went to join him. I went up and just sat with him. I did not have to say a word, just be there. Deep breath.
It was like that when my husband was dying. He was a man's man, always with his guy buddies. Well, all the Good Time Charlies just pretty much disappeared when he needed them the most. And they were nowhere to be seen afterwards. When I run into one or another occasionally, he will inevitably want to tell me a funny story about the old days. Of course, I wasn't there at the time. I seldom was allowed to be there at the time. And, I was busy working and raising our kids, keeping the home fires burning. My very close women friends were there afterwards and I will be forever grateful for them. Still, now that Mama lives with me, I have to initiate meeting them elsewhere. They seldom call me. They certainly don't offer to visit Mama & me. I had to sell our life long dream of a lake home (just a little trailer on a little lot, but loved it) to care for Mama. People who still live up there tell me how much fun they are having, but not invite/include me. One friend and her husband travel alot. I always here about their lovely adventures. I never get invited. So, yeah, I guess that is how it is with we humans. But, you know, I've met new friends here and we all get it and truly do wish each other the best. And, I've my lovely fb friends. And I've rekindld very old friends, the best. Perhaps it is just all about seasons of our lives.
I find that we are given new friends for a new season. Do I miss my old friends? Yes, but they are not going through what we are going through and it is hard for them to listen to our cares. I am not interested in what I am going through, lol. How do I expect them to be. I am not hard hearted, I have just learned to accept that this is how it is for now. In the not too distant future, I will be missing my Mom but I will have the liberty to make new friends. What kind of friends will I have then? I am not too sure. I do keep in touch with some of the old ones on Facebook but it is not the same as talking to them. Life just changes for all of us. I hope this helps anyone a little bit.
Being a caregiver is a lifestyle and the past 2 years have changed our lifestyle dramatically. Sisters visit and just sit. Entertainiing Mom with their aches and pains. Not one offer of help or concern as to how I am doing. These are her very "it is all about me" daughters. My husband's family call constantly and come by as often as 40+ miles away. They send cute cards and flowers once in awhile to brighten my day. We are blessed to afford companion/nurse twice a week so I can get out and meet friends for lunch and still do a little volunteer work that I love so. Thank goodness for email and facebook. My friends know that is easier for me than phone calls or daytime visits. Everything said is repeated to my sisters when they arrive for their evening sit. My drop in neghbors never know when I am available to

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