If you got paid a decent wage to caregive for your parents, do you think you'd be less stressed?

Started by

I think it would make a shitty job better... "This job sucks, but at least I'm getting paid"!!


Please don't let me offend anyone !!! I am not saying that professional caregivers have a crappy job !!! You all have hearts of gold ....If it wasn't my Mother I could never be this patient...
I don't know. It would help me pay my health insurance and car expenses. And I would be able to afford to buy some clothes without dipping into my retirement. And I could take my rabbits to the vet without counting my pennies. Those would be good things. The bad thing would be that my mother would use it as leverage against me. If she was paying me, she would use it as a verbal weapon anytime she was trying to make me do something I'm not willing to do. I don't like to put such weapons into her hand. She can be difficult enough already.
I was just wondering what the census was??? Everyone keeps asking if they can get paid to care for the parents without jeopardizing their Medicaid....

Just wondering how others felt?? If it would ease the burden???
Assandache7, I had to quit a job that paid $22 an hour to care for my husband. Yes, it would be nice to be paid, since many of us had to quit jobs or take early retirement and early SS (lower) checks to survive. And then with no or reduced income, we're supposed to hire someone? Get real!
To answer the first question, yes, it would remove a stressor from life. Sigh...I was retired and had a good budget for myself, not to care for someone else, now things are stressed to the max.
I can tell you, positively, that it does help. My Mom is an only child and has never lived alone. She was a very good mother and wife - managed the household and finances very well, all her life until about a year ago. She asked me to take over her her finances in 2012 and I did, but soon it became clear that she needs a companion. She asked me to move in with her - in spite of the fact that I am married and my husband is sick so I am the only bread-winner. It was a very tough decision, except that I have a saint of a husband who knows how frightened my Mom is by herself. He gave his blessing for the relocation, so long as I could work out the economics. (I'm a petroleum engineer.)

I chose to be honest with Mom, while she is still competent...she is stage 5/6 AD. I know that my situation is not typical, but because my Mom does have means, I explained that I could only make it work if I could secure a minimal income after moving in to her home. She said she would rather pay me than a sitter and agreed to a modest monthly stipend in addition to taking over my household utility bills. It has turned out very well, even though I miss my husband's company and I have no social life AT ALL.

I really want to say that my heart goes out to all of you who can't work out a similar strategy. My Mom is not mean-spirited or combative so I can't say how this would work if she became nasty to me. I just want to answer the question that yes, I was horribly resentful and stressed before I worked out this payment arrangement. Now, I only grieve the slow loss of my Mom and occasionally I feel lonely and isolated, but I can be cheerful and patient with Mom because I'm not trying to juggle "work face" and "caretaker face." This is my new job and I am good at it. I don't feel "taken for granted" so I believe it is a total "win-win."
No, money has nothing to do with the stress of caregiving for a parent. I make a decent salary looking after my mum, I live in 7 days a week. It is a very stressful job, more because it is my mum. I have always done geriatric care and it is not nearly as stressful as when it is your own parent. Even if I was being paid triple what I make, that has nothing to do with giving up my entire freedom to look after my mum.
In a word, yes. I gave up two jobs (among many other things) to be my mother's full time caregiver. I have no income, no insurance, and my savings (what little I had) are now gone. We live on her Social Security. So yes, being paid a decent wage would help. At least it would remove one of the stressors involved in this 24/7 job.
It would be a nice addition,if it were not my mother!! She has always felt that if she gives you money she owns you so to speak.I take care of her and 3-5 grandkids every day.I am a sandwich.The kids are easier,because they are still learning.There is the guilt factor with money issues also,which sucks.
NOT ME! I left home at 17 worked part time,got my own apt. & really never had anything to do with her. At 52 I retired moved to Fla. (my regret now) & now Im 61 & she has made my life a living HELL EVERY DAY SHE BREATHES. I have my own home & she has hers & there is NO NEED FOR HER to bother & harass me daily. I live alone by choice & my dad has passed. She is a recluse,doesnt drive,has no friends here & resents every person I speak to. So ABSOLUTELY NO AMOUNT OF MONEY would make me feel any better towards her. Sorry, but I cant stand her.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support