Overwhelmed by everything.
My dad is almost 93 and being sent home from hospital / rehab NH for hospice care. My brother and I have put our own lives on hold for 14 years to care for him. We're sad, scared and middle aged - me 62, him 60.
I've run the gamut of emotions from resentment and then guilt and am an emotional wreck, I'm exhausted from the last 14 years, 8 of which he's not been mobile and it seems his Alzheimer's is in the last stages.
Yesterday we used a few hours before he's being brought home to make his funeral arrangements and I'm so overwhelmed with that and fear from what is coming that I'm constantly angry, sad and in tears.
I love my dad so much and can't imagine someone who was always there for me would end up as he has and what will I do when I no longer am taking care of him 24/7.
There have been serious financial repercussions for my brother and I having to quit jobs or take early retirement that we wonder if we'll be left living in poverty when he passes.
I have so much to do and take care of that I'm unable to sleep and feel if I sit down I'll never be able to get up again.
I'm scared, angry and sad that my sweet daddy is a former shell of himself - someone who survived as a POW for 2 years in WW2, and I alternate between being unable to bear that he'll be leaving us soon and wishing that he'll mercifully go soon and peacefully to stop his physical and mental limitations.
When I was a little girl he would call me Madame Butterfly and still did until the dementia took over.
I am isolated with no friends because I've spent 14 years taking care of him so I'm glad to find this site and know I'm not as alone as I feel.