Over controlling elderly father-in-law (step father).
My in-laws have been living in an independent living apartment for about a year now. Our plan was to move them closer to us where they could live independenty but we could frequently visit, check in on them and spend quality time. The problem is that my father-in-law is an absolute controlling monster, and it's so bad that we hate the thought of having to visit. Even in his 80's he's jealous and overbearing and will not let my mother in law out of his site. When others are around he acts as sweet as he can, but when he's with us, he's mean, jealous, disrespectful, and controlling. My mother in law has lived her entire life in fear of his reactions. (not physical, just emotional) She makes excuses for him because she's use to having to live like that. She's terrified to even go to lunch with her own daughter because she has to get his permission or lie to him in order to go. Then the entire time she's with us, she's nervous and anxious to get home so he won't be mad. We took her out for mothers day brunch two years ago to a very upscale restaurant and he called it a beer joint and got mad because we were gone so long. My wife wants to spend quality time with her mom while she's still healthy enough to do so, but we're at our wits end. Nothing we do or say helps because she is so very much under his control, and he's been so mean to us on so many occasions now that we really can say nothing more to him than hello and goodbye. This is such a frustrating situation. Right now the more pressing issue is her mothers medical power of attorney. There is no way my father in law could ever make sound medical decisions on her behalf. We have begged her to sign this power of attorney over to my wife, but she's yet to do it because of him. Any advice would be welcome.