Our life, our choice?

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I found this group earlier this year when I was in complete desperation and unhappiness, having just moved in as co-caretaker of my mother who has middle stage Alzheimer's. It was partly a financial decision as well as one of my elderly father needing some help and time off.

Well, shortly after I entered this quagmire, I found myself becoming more and more miserable, more depressed and gaining weight from all the stress. Something had to give.

I re-evaluated my decision and decided that I would move nearby (about 1 mile away) which would give me some privacy, yet be able to help at a moments notice if needed.

It was the best decision ever. The depression has lifted, I love my privacy and my new place. It's lots smaller than I have had but what cost is happiness?

Yes, I felt guilty. But I was sacrificing myself for my mother and after she passes one day I would have been left as an empty shell. Was that fair to myself or my own children?

As I read the sad stories here, it breaks my heart. Many people are indeed sacrificing themselves for their parent, some at great personal and emotional cost. There has to be another way. There just has to.

I'm no longer calling myself Cinderella. I'm now a butterfly. I've emerged from that horrible situation stronger and changed. Sometimes you have to know when to leave a situation for your own good, no matter how difficult. It's our life, really and in the end no one is there to hand out a medal for self-destruction.

For those still living in horrible situations of emotional abuse (and sometimes physical), I ask you to please re-evaluate why you are doing this and to try to find some other way.

God bless you all today. I've walked in your shoes and know its not easy. You are in my thoughts.

6 Comments

NJCinderella - I'm glad you found the strength and that your not depressed now. It is hard and thank you for sharing and encouraging everyone!!! Your in my thoughts as well :)
Thank you for sharing your story!
NJCinderella, you made the right choice. I hope when the time comes where my parents can no longer take care of themselves, that I will be able to make the right choice for myself and for them.

This website has opened my eyes as to what the future might be, and I know I would be doing a disservice to my parents if I become their full-time Caregiver. My parents could very easily afford round the clock full time care, and they will have to realize that is their only choice, unless they move to an assistant living facility... we have wonderful ones in my area.

I have read where 1 out of every 3 Caregiver passes leaving behind their parent/spouse.... I don't think that is what my parents would want to happen to me.
You are very lucky that you do not have to provide 24X7 care for your mother and are able to live in your own place where you can have your privacy and space. My mother cannot be left alone as she falls and needs help in toilet, dressing and eating. I know if I could have a place to get away I could be a better caregiver
MZ, just remember that sacrificing yourself does not equal how much you love her. If she needs 24/7 care maybe its time to think about getting help or placement?

I know there are no easy answers. All I know is that for myself, I saw that I was heading for a dark place emotionally and for me this was the best solution. I'm sure many will not agree that I put my own well being first but that was the choice I made.

Please try not to burn out MZ.
I’m glad you found your way out from the horrible situation. For many people it is hard and it seems out of their control, but there’s always hope. Thank you for sharing your story.

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