Wish my siblings and me luck, our first sit down as a team, with our parents.

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Tomorrow my siblings and I have a meeting with our parents to discuss their future financial plans. My brother created a detailed spread sheet of income and losses for their business and properties. As it stands their costs exceed their income by $76,000 over the coming year. Our folks are under the illusion that they are going back to work and believe they can "hold out" until then. That is not going to happen with the severity of their health issues. Already they have had one foreclosure threat because they are 6 months in arrears in condo fees for their retail space. They have a stash of silver coins that they are selling off for cash to buy food and pay a minimum of bills and keep turning to us to supplement them. Meanwhile they are sitting on more than $500,000 in assets that they own outright (aside from their home). Despite the crushing overhead they refuse to liquidate because they say the property will be worth even more in a few years. Maybe so, but they will be bankrupt by then. We are also going to bring a list of elder finance lawyers that Elder Services provided to us. We are hoping they will be open to having a professional help them to put together a sound financial plan so they can make the most of their assets and be able to provide for themselves.

There are many other issues we need to address, the dangers of them living in their house without some serious modifications, driving issues and more but we don't want to overwhelm them to the point of their shutting down so for now we will just work on the financial disaster at hand. Besides it will take money to fix some of the other problems.

I am not terribly hopeful that our folks will be amenable to our suggestions. They are secretive and paranoid even of us, but we need to try. I just hope we are able to keep the meeting calm. Mom has always been mentally unstable and prone to fits of rage. Dad simply shuts off and smolders when he does not like what is being said. Please wish us the best tomorrow.


Are you using an outside moderator for this family meeting? Does your mother have a diagnosed mental illness and is she on any medication?

Have they entrusted any of you with durable and medical POA for them?

I assume that as siblings, you all are agreed on a plan?

What health issues do your parents have and how old are they?

They have a half a million dollars in assets and they selling off silver coins and are turning to ya'll to supplement them? I would inform them tomorrow that this supplementing ends today. This is enabling them to keep from taking responsibility and use their assets to pay their bills.

On the other hand, this whole situation of financial mess may be evidence they neither are able any more to handle their business in a business like manner. If they have not seen a doctor, I would take them to see a doctor to be evaluated for dementia and competency.I would tell their doctor privately in advance your observations about your parent's behavior. Do this in private for parents have a way of trying to be their best when they see the doctor. Even if you do not have their medical POA, you can share your concerns with the doctor although without the medical POA he will only be allowed to listen, but not discuss it with you any further.

I hope not, but you all may be looking at taking your parents' to court to get guardianship for each of them to protect them for their own safety financially and otherwise plus proper care for their health. They need to have their finances under someone's control other than theirs to get the $76,000 debt paid off and to properly use the $500,000 in assets for their care and safety. Right now, their financial problem compared to their assets is a bump in the road,but if not stopped, they will soon be bankrupt.

I wish you well with this situation. Please come back and keep us updated.
I gather that this is an updated thread from the information that you shared back in 2014 on a similar thread about an upcoming sibling meeting about your mom and dad?


Yes this is an update. My siblings and I have met a few times without my parents to share information and discuss how to proceed. We needed to get on the same page with each other and mend some of our own differences as my parents have always told us different things.

My folks are in their 80s. Dad had sepsis and almost died he was in rehab for a long time but never recovered his strength. Then his doctor found an aortal aneurysm and he needed emergency surgery. He has had numerous melanomas of the skin removed. So far all have been in situ ,(not spread). He has atrial fibrillation and is on coumadin. He is in the beginning stages of congestive heart failure. Mom is healthier but has a pace maker and COPD. Their mental capacity has gone downhill in the last year, since Dad got sick but not to the point of being incapable.

My mother was evaluated many years ago for her mental health problems but refused treatment. I was not told a diagnosis. Bipolar and schizophrenia are prevalent in the family. Her behavior is classic bipolar, heavy on the paranoia but I'm not a doctor.

Because of my parents mistrust of outsiders we are going to meet this time with just family. Please wish us luck our meeting is at 1:00pm
I do wish you well particularly in dealing with a mentally ill parent who is not taking meds or seeing a therapist which they've needed both. Do any of your siblings have a mental illness? It also sounds like your parents have been rather deceptive and devious in dividing the family by telling different siblings different things. That makes having an honest conversation very difficult. Ya'll need more than just good luck, ya'll need a major miracle. Any of your siblings or yourself have any psychological or social work training?
One thing for sure is that you're lucky to have cooperative siblings that are working together for the better of your parents. And your parents are so lucky to have all of you... Best Wishes...
I can't believe it!! Our meeting went really well. At first Mom was on the offense because she thought we were trying to take control but we made it clear we were there to help with suggestions and to following through with solutions. It was up to them to decide if they wanted our help. When she understood that she calmed down completely.

We kept it simple. We laid out the numbers and talked a little about what would happen if they did not soon liquidate their assets and bring down their overhead. Basically they would loose everything and be destitute. They both understood. We then said we would let them think on what we all discussed and next Tuesday we would meet again. They both seemed really relieved and began talking about some of the plans we had presented. Before we left there were actual plans made to move the contents out of their retail condo next week and talk to a Realtor about selling! They agreed to let us find a good elder law attorney. Mom was resistant to that at first because a lawyer costs money but we were able to convince her that the cost of a lawyer was nothing compared to what they might end up loosing.

This to me is nothing short of a miracle and could never have happened if we three siblings had not found a way to work together BEFORE we dove into this. We still have our differences and we certainly don't agree on everything but we have worked really hard at putting those things aside for the greater good.

This is just the beginning and I know there will be bumps in the road ahead of us but tonight I feel pretty darn good.
Good news.
Very well done, You all got together, figured it out and presented it in a very non threatening way, Hopefully next week's meeting will follow suit. Do let us know. Sibs who can cooperate so we are not common on this site.

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