It's the other way around, I'm the senior.

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My DD is at war with me. I have my wits about it, nothing like that. I am elderly. She wrote me a very scathing hateful letter. She says she doesn't want to see me, hear from me or anything. In this letter she outlined every mistake I ever made. She is very angry with me. It is almost like the letter the Unabomber sent his mother. Do you think she has a mental illness? She is in her 30's. She has a very good job helping me. I wonder how much help she can give them. I have been crying all day. Going to see my counselor in a few minutes. Need advice so badly as I am hurting so badly. Please say something nice.


"She has a very good job helping me. I wonder how much help she can give them" leaves me confused. Can you clarify that?
Brandy, please post back after you see your counselor! We care!
Brandy, this came up a few months ago. So, what's happened between then and now? And when did this hurtful letter arrive? Did you make any progress with finding out what's eating her?
Yes, I think she is mentally ill. So after a lot of crying I decided to back off contacting her for awhile.
I do not have a great relationship with my own mother, but have far too much respect for her to do such a hurtful thing. It does sound like your daughter has some mental issues and she was lashing out. I'd say "let it go" but that is demeaning to you. You have a right to feel what you feel.
In my therapy, I am encouraged to journal and to write letters. Letters that are NEVER meant to be sent. Maybe that happened here?
I am only 60, my son did the same thing to me, but he did it via a long text message--wouldn't even go the price of a stamp. I think I cried for four months. (he was also "representing" how his wife felt about me)
Long story short, turns out his WIFE was having huge, huge problems within her family. All her anger and frustration was dumped on me. By the time I found this out, I had kind of washed my hands of my son and his family. It was just so hurtful. Now we are very slowly re-building a relationship, but it will never be the same.
During the time post-text, I too just didn't talk to them. At all, or through my husband. They aren't mentally ill, but they sure weren't acting kindly.
Families can be the best blessing or the worst curse. I dread growing older and needing help from my kids. They are, 90% of the time, amazing. But even as early as last night I got an un-vitiation from my daughter to come visit my grandkids in Texas. I can "come" but the rigidity of what I can and cannot say or do---are impossible. I, too cried and cried over what I cannot change. I wish you luck and some measure of peace.
If you daughter works helping you, maybe she needs a break. Working closely with our parents can sometimes be stressful, especially, if we don't believe that we are being listened to. Does your daughter want you to do something that you don't want to do, like stop working, take medication, let her handle your finances? I ask this, because there are a lot of posts around here from adult children who share their frustration with parents who resist help.

If that's not it, maybe, she does have need to see a mental health professional. None of us had perfect parents. I had to let go of some old stuff that bugged me and it sure was freeing. Maybe, she just needs some counseling or guidance in that direction. Do you know if she has any friends that she can talk with and vent? That's helpful too.

I'd just try to move forward and hope that she can get past her anger. It's a plus that you are seeing a counselor. I hate that you have to go through this. I have always respected my parents, perhaps too much. I can't imagine hurting their feelings on purpose. On the plus side, maybe, she got out her frustrations and she'll be ready to make amends soon.  Take care of yourself. I hope it works out.

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