Would like your opinions on being primary caregiver for MIL for the long haul.
When she first came here 5 yrs ago after surgery, she lived with us first, then sr housing with a lot of support from me, then fell and ended up in assisted living a yr ago. She recently turned 80. She has had a few falls recently, and this last one resulted in a significant wound. Her heart, lungs are good and she may be with us for quite a long stretch yet. She is fully incontinent and loaded with rheumatoid and osteoarthritis and these are the things that really limit her. She is minimally ambulatory now, needs someone with her to walk safely with her walker for short distances. She has 3 children, two out of state and my husband. He has zero patience for her at this point....she has lost her sense of time really, and tends to call often. Her anxiety is also a bit increased lately. She responds well to reassurance and tlc. I am back to spending time there daily with her and I do not mind doing this. When she called this morning because she was wondering if I was on my way yet ( I had spoken to her about an hour prior) my husband answered the phone and was very annoyed with her for calling. He said that she needed to chill out, that she seems to have nothing better to do than worry about herself and that she is one step away from having to go to a nursing home if she doesn't stop calling staff so much (this is true, but my increased time there and some private cg starting next week should do the trick). I decided that if he and his siblings really can't commit to caring for her then I just need him to let me do her care, without complaining about it. Her daughter calls every so often and visits for an afternoon every few months (she lives a couple hours away) and her other son way out of state visits once a year, calls once a week or so. It really saddens me how little attention she receives from her own kids. I just want them to leave me to it at this point.
I have instructed her to call just my cell phone, not the house phone here or my husband's cell phone, to avoid further confrontations.
Anyone have experiences like this? If it was my own mom I can't imagine letting my spouse care for her and me checking out. It's really sad! and I really am turned off by my husband's attitude.