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As briefly as possible--I cared for my alcoholic, mentally ill father when my mother had had enough. I was 22. Hospitals and nursing homes. Mother died in 2008 of ALS.
Now my FIL is ill. Just when my hubby and I were going to be empty nesters, we are instead dealing with a second hospitalization and rehab stay in 6 months. Oddly, he's not really the problem. It's my negative, passive-aggressive, non-driving MIL. For the sake of convenience, she'll be moving in with us while he's in rehab. It's terribly unlikely he'll ever go back to their independent living apartment.
It's only my husband and myself looking after them. His brother is looking after their special needs 3rd brother.
I'm feeling sad about the loss of what was going to be a bit of freedom for us. I know this is just the beginning of a very long row to hoe. This could go on for years, as Dad is medically fine--just incontinent and very, very shaky on his feet.
Frankly, I'm scared that if I feel this way now--what will get me through this?

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If you can't set boundaries while MIL still lives at her house - RUN FOR THE HILLS. Do NOT bring her in to your house. Decide what one or two days a week you will help her. Listen to the advice of others on this site. Stay strong otherwise you'll be buffaloed into being a resentful, unpaid, ill slave to your ILs.
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If you can't set boundaries while MIL still lives at here house - RUN FOR THE HILLS. Do NOT bring her in to your house. Decide what one or two days a week you will help her. Listen to the advice of others on this site. Stay strong otherwise you'll be buffaloed into being a resentful, unpaid, ill slave to your ILs.
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You say that MIL is insistent, lacks boundaries, is unreasonable in her demands. This is not someone that would come and stay in my home, for more than a couple of days. Certainly, not for weeks or months. If she can't be managed living elsewhere, I can't imagine how disruptive she would be in my home.  I'd discuss it with husband and figure out alternate plans.  
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I'm not sure why you are letting your MIL call all the shots. She can hardly force you into your car and take her to the hospital. I reiterate what I said before, give her one day a week, or 2 if you're feeling generous and live your life. Perhaps your hubby needs to step up and talk to his parents.
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Oh I see! D'oh!

Hm. I wonder if a dangerous precedent was set the first time, and MIL stayed in the OP's and her husband's home then?
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I think the OP means that this is the second time in 6 months that her in-laws have been in hospital and then rehab.

Do NOT have her move in with you. Do not drive her to the rehab. You are allowed to say " no".
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MIL is unreasonable. You can't reason with her. You do not have to reason with her. You have to decide how many times a week you can take her and bring her back. Your activity, your decision. I don't think you quite understand what boundaries mean, yet.

Even if it is much less convenient for you, let your MIL stay in her home. Bringing her into your home is the camel's nose under the tent.
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Are you thinking that after the hospitalization and rehab, your FIL will need skilled nursing rather than AL? If so, moving MIL in with you just while he's in rehab will probably turn into MIL living with you permanently. I understand your husband not wanting to worry about what ifs, but you have to with elderly parents. You need to stay a step or two ahead - my mom was hospitalized and we had two days to find a good NH - that was pretty rough.

You're fortunate - you have six months to think this thru and come up with a couple workable plans. Practice saying "it's not possible for us to do that". It's a sanity saving mantra.
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No taxis in your city?

If MIL wants to visit every day, she can get a cab, can't she? And then once or twice a week, as you and DH think right, you can take her and visit too. It's no bad thing for an elderly lady to make friends with a reliable cab driver or two, and it's not reasonable for MIL to expect you and/or DH to act as unpaid chauffeurs.

How long do you expect the rehab stay to be? At first I misread your post and was thinking aghast "six MONTHS? Six months in rehab??? Wow!" - but then I understood that the op and rehab after are due to take place in six months' time, is that right?
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Boundaries! What is she going to do if you take her to I L facility and tell her " we'll take you to visit on Saturday"?

If she can get there on her own, fine. Otherwise , leave her be.
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My MIL has a bit of paranoia and believes that 1. He'll die if she's not with him. 2. No one can care for him as good as she does and they actively neglect him at the hospital.
She stayed with him in the last rehab place. I'm convinced her negativity kept him from getting better on schedule. Conversely, he stayed with her in rehab when she had hip replacement. It's what they do. Getting her to leave the hospital at all nearly drove me to say things I can't take back.
She won't listen to reason. So, as much as I'd like to tell her---"live your life, we'll take you to see him 3x a week" she won't have it.
Thanks for all the suggestions. I very much appreciate the ideas and hopefully can implement some of them. Since we're new to this, we're struggling with boundaries.😜
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Barb is correct. They need to see a lawyer about a special needs trust for their son. He could lose benefits if it is not done correctly. 

Could your MIL find other transportation to rehab? There is Access Services where we live. It doesn't cost much. There is an application form that needs to be filed out.

Going everyday would be difficult. I would take her a 1 or 2 times a week. 

Do you think they are going to want to stay at your house when this is over?  You need to think about this. 
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I agree wholeheartedly with Barb. When my husband was in rehab, it was 35 minutes away. Sometimes when I'd go to see him, he was tired and crabby and of course took it out on me. My daughter's in-law family is the sort who, when one of them is in the hospital, they will spend the entire day in the room with them, basically just watching television and staring at the walls. The patient is well taken care of and does not need the supervision of a family member 7 days a week. Tell MIL you will set aside one day a week just for her and take her back home. That day she chooses is her's to do with as she likes; visit Dad, go shopping, get her hair done, etc. it's not your fault she doesn't drive. It's admirable that your husband is taking this all in stride, but the future must be considered and plans made.
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I hope they have a special needs trust set up.

Why does she have to go to the rehab every day? When people are in rehab, they are doing hard work and need time to rest. Have her visit one weekend day a week. You guys pop in on weeknights for a few minutes.
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More---He is 89 and she is 87. Thank the good Lord they have money enough for assisted living. However, they don't want to spend it because they don't know how long they'll live (she comes from folks that live to 95 and beyond). They also want to leave money to provide for their special needs son.
It's complicated and straight forward, all at the same time.😖
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I'm 51.
The convenience part would be for us, oddly enough. Think of a triangle with each side representing about 20+ miles. The points represent In-Laws apartment, our home and the rehab place. Getting from our place to their apartment puts us through one of the most ill-constructed set of intersections in our city. It can take a half hour to get through 2 traffic lights. Going to get her each day to take her to spend the day with him at rehab and then returning her each night would be maddening. We would be tied to his schedule until rehab ends.
Previous to this latest hospitalization, we told them they have to move to assisted living and actually put $$ down to hold a room. The place doesn't open til late November.
It is our fondest wish that they'll end up there. However, I'm feeling as though my FIL may no longer qualify as "assisted" living possible.
I'm just running on sadness and what-ifs and maybes.
My hubby supports me the best he knows how. He's just more able to put things in boxes--"We don't know what we don't know. Let's just get him to rehab and see how it goes from there. Don't get upset at something we aren't for certain is going to turn out badly."
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I would explore other options for their care. Giving up your life to care for someone who has substantial needs for daily support is really extreme, imo. Do they have other resources? IF they are not able to care for themselves, there are normally options. If MIL needs transportation, there are services available.

You can be a caring caretaker for a loved one without them living in your house. If I felt overwhelmed about it, I'd discuss with your husband and come to an agreement.
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Please explain more. What does "convenience" mean in this context?

How old are you? How old are the in-laws? It really sounds as if the plan is for them both to move in with you and your husband. (WHY????)

What is their financial situation?
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She's moving in with you for whose convenience -- yours or hers? I hope you know your convenience is every bit as important as hers.

If you don't think dad will ever be able to return to their current apartment, where do you think he will need to be? (Hint: "our home" is NOT the correct answer!) Have you talked this over with the rehab people? If he is likely to need assisted living, this might be a good time to start visiting and evaluating facilities in your area.

Even if it is inconvenient for you to take MIL places and help with her needs while she is in independent living, I think it will be worth it to avoid setting the precedent that your inlaws can move into your home. You don't need her negativity!
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Why on earth is she moving in?

Why isn't she staying in Independent Living where there are activities and other folks around?
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