Hello to my friends at Agingcare.com. One year later, same topic, different dynamics.
I will try to make this short.
Mom - 88 last stage Alzheimer's Disease
Father - 88 Primary Progressive Aphasia (Advanced
One (Husband Died 10 years or so ago), will not speak to me. We used to be roommates.
Other sister (speaks) only because I am also happily unpaid caregiver my father whom broke ribs. (20 hours per week)
I also work full time as a pcaregiver. and Household management.
Then the son D,. 31 years old, married, daughter, will not call me answer emails.
He started to last year, after he needed things.
I was raised in a very dysfunctional home. Mother alcoholic, I was 7. Sister #1 got married, disappeared. Sister #2 said, I am out of year (obviously older than I) and went to college.
Dad was a very successful President and CEO and Engineer of the Year.
I get it, Alcholism is a disease, I actually after my father really sharing his emotions, 20 years later, before he became ill, understand the hopelessness and isolation my mother felt. However, it was her choice to pick up the bottle.
At the age of 23, when she dropped my son on his head, I was devastaI found intervention. She became clean and sober at age 55. My mother regardless of drinking or not, is and always will be my best friend. My sister's wanted nothing to do with it. They stated 10 years ago there tremendous guilt for leaving me helpless at 7 years old.
My sisters have always had a bit of issue with life. Which I was too young to know the word.
However today, sister #2 husband died, (10 yrs ago.) decided that life is better without the sister, that is the unpaid caregiver.
Today was Thanksgiving at my mother's assisted living. I chose because I have a great amount of compassion not money, to pay for everyone that showed up, because my father with this disease, does not know the difference between $1.00 and one million dollars. I wanted him to have the best time. I was not expensive, it made his day, that was worth it.
Today the joy was. My mother and father were the happiest together I have seen them in a long time. Keep in mind they are married, my father because of the severity of her disease just cannot for his health reason live with her. I take him there three times a week (unpaid, and that is perfectly fine). When I asked the oldest sister (alone), what is the participation of sister #2 in helping, she just about blew up and stated that was none of my business and walked away. Ok.
Today was the hardest day and best day of my life.
Hardest, because a few years ago my sisters said they had no room in the family for me.
My older son's involvement:
However, I have since found out that the 31 year old son, who has totally abandoned me, his father, his father's brother, has disowned his father and I because of the divorce when he was 3. Really???? My son talked to me every day up until 2009? I don't buy that.
But people, the pain, the emotion. (There are many of us)
I went to this Thanksgiving, and I fed my parents while the other two daughters talked about life. I helped my father sit down, as he is almost blind, and had a smile. I am truly very grateful to do this, and have compassion beyond belief.
I also took care of my mother at dinner.
My sister and her daughter and granddaughter showed up and did not acknowledge me. I said, hello L. , nothing. Wow. ok. Let me keep remember D. this event and everything I do regarding my family is for my parents.
Yes, seeing the granddaughter really was emotional, as my mother does not have any memories, except she said out loud as I held her hand the entire dinner.
I am so glad I had one beautiful daughter in life. She means the world to me.
Well, that is a last stage Alzehimer's patient. I visit them, I see them, my father lives with my sister, and she is never there. I spend 20 - 30 hours a week with him. Why, they raised me, they did the best they good. I found an interventionist for my mother, and she has been sober for 33 years. A person with true compassion and the love of forgiveness realizes that I will take on traits because I lived as a child in a helpless situation, but that is up to me to get over.
Most parents to their best.
I feel I did. I do not drink take drugs, I never went out because I was a full time working mother. My kids, were the happiest thing that has ever happened to me.
Unfortunately, I married men, and counselors believe due to the dysfunction of my childhood (which is nothing to blame, it just is), that needed mothers, and they did.
I am divorced to two men. I have one child, extremely bitter, and he had a good live. I worked very hard to see that I was there for him, I made sure that he and I and his brother went to church, and the youth group was a great place for him.
He went to third world countries.
I paid for him to go to college.
I have a younger child (whom calls me every other day), his father and I are divorced also, because continue