It has now been almost one year that I've been estranged from my parents (93).

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Due to relationship poisoning by my brother and SIL, in order to facilitate Will changes and extracting money gifts from them. It has been horrendous but I have come through a nervous break-down, with much help from poster's on this site, for which I am very grateful. However, I am still smarting from the horror of how I was treated by my father mostly, but also my mother, and I suspect dementia, but there seems to be nothing I can do to mend things, and every day I think of the isolation of my mother, particularly, and the bewilderment I believe she is suffering.

I have detached from them, as advised by kind people on here, and this has worked, and I am no longer depressed and suicidal! I am wondering if old people get a kick out of stirring up trouble, and exerting their 'control' over their 'children' to show who is boss? But going as far as to try and incite violence from one offspring towards the other? Well, can they really be compos mentis as my aunt thinks? Or are they quite utterly insane?

They no longer want me to have their house (as they did for 20 years), and they even rubbed my nose in it by making sure that I wasn't even made an Executor of their Wills, or even talking to me about their decisions! I am 66 by the way!

I am scuppered, but hey ho, what fun they must be having creating all this conflict. Perhaps it all helps to keep their hearts beating with all this stimulation? Anything beats boredom I guess!

Hope my controlling psycho SIL and Brother are happy with the results of their manipulation, exploitation and relationship poisoning leading to isolation for my parents? Is there anything lower than this kind of despicable behaviour? I don't think so.

8 Comments

Good, for you, forget about the inheritance. Stolen money brings a curse.
In my experience, parents who actually want the best for their children don't dangle inheritance as a carrot. IT'S OUR MONEY AND WE'RE GOING TO USE IT UP BEFORE WE DIE was my dad's mantra. We all went out and learned to support ourselves. It made the decision to move mom to a nice al and now a nice nh very easy...we don't expect there to be leftover when she goes. Stay away. Your sanity is worth more.
Sounds like you did the best thing sweetie.. Just only do good things for you and those who you hold close to your heart from now on...

Someone once told me, You can't choose your family, but at least you can choose your friends .. Big hug x
lonecarer,
i believe it was ; " you can pick your nose and you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family " .
Thank you very much all for your comments. It is very helpful and encouraging. I realise that, although I am recovered from my nervous breakdown, and can see things more clearly, I have received a devastating blow to my inner confidence, and sometimes I feel 'frozen' and find it difficult to do new things or move forward confidently. I also wonder about my mother? Because if they DO have dementia, and they HAVE been manipulated, then am I guilty of abandoning them?

Sigh.......!!!

Thanks again all.
To PamStegman, your comments are always spot on! I loved your answer to one poster saying "go to the beach, have a party, be free or whatever" Love it! That is exactly what I am trying to do! But difficult to know what to do with my 'caring side' as I no longer have anyone to help out, and that's what I was gearing up for! Oh well, I will bake some cakes, volunteer at the animal shelter, visit an old person.....
i went thru a similar situation with my brother and SIL, doing the money/power grab, poisoning my parent's opinion of me, slanderous comments behind my back, it got so bad my father threatened to kill me, and my brother actually physically tried it. fortunately there were so many witnesses watching him he backed off, then of course the entire family lied to cover for him when the police showed up. i know exactly what you're talking about, it got so bizarre and psycho i couldn't make heads or tails of what was going on. my father has since passed on. even after that the relentless drumbeat continued by my brother. i finally figured out it was not so much about the money, he wants to see me literally and figuratively dead, meaning on the ground in a cardboard box eating out of a dumpster. anything short of that doesn't seem to satisfy him. i am not exaggerating. fast forward to today. my mother checked herself in to a mental hospital this week. preliminary diagnosis is off the charts, she is a very sick woman. the question of course is how much of this is organic, meaning physical in origin. how much was brought on by many years of living in a perpetual state of chaos. no one will ever know. my father didn't speak to me the last 10 years he was alive. how strange when i go to the psychiatric hospital to visit my mother every day, i am the only person on earth who is there to try to help her. the so called friends and relatives, who all sided with my brother of course, are nowhere to be found. and the brother who manipulated my mother and father to death and mental oblivion, of course he refuses to take time off from his busy life to visit her, refuses to respond to any email, and just gives me lip service when i call with status reports. he shows no empathy for her whatsoever, in fact all he's said so far is a bunch of nonsense about how her condition is indirectly my fault, she is not happy on my watch etc. it's insane, you got that right. i try to keep my distance as well, eventually their demons will try to transfer from them to you.
If you are truly convinced you or someone else are in the possession of demons, see a priest who is trained in exorcism. It's not a one-stop repair visit, but will require extensive treatment and a visit to your home. You have to be very focused on redemption and rescue. Don't expect a Judge or Police to believe you; they will lock you up with your mother.

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