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Well, I've gotten some news about Dad's health, and his financial issues in the past week. First off, Dad has two more areas of skin cancer that will have to be dealt with separately. One will require plastic surgery according to his doctor. He's already had cancer three times in the past, and one of the surgery's was very difficult. He's very unhappy. I spoke with legal aid. The woman I spoke to was surprised the hospital didn't just accept what he had been paying. She suggested he file for financial assistance and ask that all the medical bills be forgiven because he has no assets, like a house, or insurance, etc. She also said that he is entitled to spend his income on food basically "as he sees fit" since he cannot cook. She said a $50- $60 daily allowance for meals would be in the range of the local per/ diem businesses allow. She also said that I am under no obligation to cook for him / try to get him the lowest priced meals if the savings are just going to go to creditors... kind of a moot point, because if he eats $50 a day at restaurants, he won't have money for *anything* else. Oh, and best of all, my younger brother the parasite wrote again. He wants to stop and see dad -"before he goes" - before he takes his in-laws to Hawaii for the holidays. I'm still thinking of responses that use words without four letters in them...

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LadyMiller - sorry to hear about your mom. My dad is a handful, but it sounds like your mom makes him look like amateur hour.

We don't have Krogers here, I'm afraid. Although I remember them from up north.

Dad used to like Marie Calender's lasagna, ans sweet and sour chicken. But after a caretaker made a snide remark to him about how sad it was to see a senior citizen being "forced" to eat "TV dinners" - that was the end of that.

He cannot cook at all, and I prefer that he doesn't handle knives without supervision. When he first came home from the hospital he tried to microwave some cookies - in the package - while his caregiver was in the restroom. It caught fire. He's much more aware now, but he is still spooked by almost setting the kitchen on fire.
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Thanks all!

To anyone who didn't follow my writing, this was simply a follow up to the questions I posed earlier.

I don't think MOW will deliver out here, but I will ask. As I stated elsewhere, Dad won't eat the food from the senior center program, so even if they deliver, he may not eat it. He's gotten fussy in the past few months.

Also, someone recommended chinese food. I took him yesterday and he loved it, so thank you! It was cheaper than the places he usually likes, so that helps. He was even talking about it to the nurse when I took to him to the hospital this morning because of a bad nosebleed ( I posted that elsewhere). So thanks again for the idea.

As regards the four letter words for my brother, I haven't used them, but probably no longer have the vocabulary for anything better. I'm afraid that after having Dad for 19 years, and my mother for five years - after he was paid to take care of them, and the rest of got nothing towards their care, I'm simply at a loss when he says "tough, too bad". Yes, and in retrospect, I feel pretty stupid too!
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Oh, the four letter word should be "cash". Sonny Boy has money for Hawaii, he should have money for "family". Who knows? He may never want another visit if you strong arm him for cash.
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Eating Well meals can be obtained in the frozen food section at Kroger. They are delicious. I add a scoop of cottage cheese and I'm good to go. Mom likes Lean Cuisine too. I usually give mom dessert (Marie Calendar's is a Godsend.) with it. Honey nut cheerios in the morning. Water, sugar free pop and milk. Fruit sends her internal system haywire (most unpleasant). I give her vitamin c instead. Her doctors have approved this food for her. It is healthy and easy. I'm recovering from cancer myself and standing on my feet preparing meals was too much for me. It is probably a lot for you too. Instead of restaurants, (where mom throws a fit) I roll down her window and do a quick drive through the park with a stop through the Dairy Queen drive through afterward for a small blizzard ice cream for her. She was so unpleasant when we let her out once at the park, a man at the next picnic table grabbed his crockpot and RAN to his car. Her therapists and doctors are thrilled with my care. I had to come up with something easy and entertaining. The doctors put her on Namenda and Seroquel for her unpleasantness, to put it kindly. (She made the staff at Olive Garden cry. Huge tips solved that. Never again.) Her towels were threadbare. I bought some new ones. She kept badgering me from the back seat about if the store gave me the towels for FREE. She was so out of control, I had to pull over three times I was crying so hard, I couldn't see to drive. (It was a 15 minute drive.) Thank God the medicine has helped her attitude. She is 88 years old. She just had surgery on her neck for basal cell cancer. Dr. Stitle (Indiana's top 100 docs) will have to go back in and get the rest of it in January. Mom did very well. I have a strong POA. I can do anything I want. I chose for the doctor to not tell mom about the cancer. Mom's dementia is bad and she would go to pieces and it would cut her life span. No way. A friend of ours had cancer surgery on his face and did very well with his surgery at age 82. This is completely your call. Everybody is different. A second opinion never hurts. Hope things go better for you.
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If have neighborly senior services . in some places they deliver the MOW. They will pick up and some have day care but have to have Rx for it . They are picked up have late bfast and lunch see movie play games inbetween. To keep those active that need assistance etc...
If he likes go out The VFW or Am Legion or Am Vet Centers Eagles club also they actually her have center Am Legion has pool sauna etc..
They have home made meals and give veterans discounts. Maybe he likes to see families. There are family centers they are like clubhouse Am Vet, F. Legion , VFW. Have bingo etc and raffles tickets etc...
Little diff from old farts sitting over a beer bit....ng about life. If that what he doesn"t like.
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It sounds like the skin cancers are basal cell carcinoma. Unless the lesions are bleeding, painful or causing a problem with eyesight, leave them alone. Dermatologists love doing skin cancer surgeries because they make lotsa $$$ from them. Basal cell carcinoma is a very slow growing cancer, and in a 90 year old, it is not a very big deal.

Doesn't your father have Medicare? (I am assuming he is in the U.S.)
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I hate spell check😃
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Meals...does ur Dad go out for every meal? He can make a sandwich, can't he? Breakfast and dinner should be enough. He can get himself something in between. It shouldn't cost him $50 a day. Coupons! I love them. Senior and Vet discounts use them. I ask all the time. 10% is 10%. Some grocery stores have a hot bar. We have a local Pizza place that gives so much food fo one order, my husband and I split it. Some restaurants have mini meals (believe me they aren't mini). I'll give u an example:. Mom gets a liver dinner. She can have soup or salad, we get soup to go. The serving of liver is two decent size pieces. I put me aside. Two veg. sides. Dessert is to go. So Mom has soup and the dessert for lunch the next day. The liver has enough gravy I heat it up in the gray. If she had any veg. left I heat them up or just cook fresh ones. Two or three additional measles for $10.
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Erwin, my Aunt was on SSI and paying her hospital bill a little each month. This was a payment plan that the hospital set up and they still sent it to a lawyer for collection. My Aunt called him and he told her to just continue paying what she was to him. So, if the money owed goes to collection, will it really hurt ur Dads credit. Is he going to buy a car, take out a loan or buy a house. Collection agencies will work with you but watch, some can be nasty and that is against the law. Check out on the internet: FTCs fair debt collection practices Act of 1977. May have been updated since I worked. The laws are very strick with Collection agencies. Collectors for a private company (like I was) laws are a little more lenient. Just tell the hospital your father can only afford what he is giving otherwise he won't be able to feed himself. And remember...they cannot threaten to go after you.
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Because you must tip!!!!
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