One step at a time.

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couldnt stay in moms lonely house, came home to my place. its kinda fun starting over again. as soon as the internet was in i was home. first morning no coffee pot or coffee. second morning had coffee. last night dragged the electric range in and wired it up. promptly fried pancake. tonight i hooked up my ice maker. just little things. starting over is so humbling. oh and i stuck 40 bucks worth of food in the fridge tonight. still havent plumbed up shower , kitchen sink or shitter. i started out here 13 years ago crappin in a bucket and i have no problem doing it again. i live in my own basement. gonna leave the renter girl upstairs. she pays the mortgage, i live for the cost of my portion of the utilities and property taxes. i live in a bunker with 16 inch thick walls. if hitler had had such substancial digs hed still be alive today. miss my mom, love my own self determination. cant do anything rash cause every day is chimney building. work has to come first. the garage is almost clean enough to get the trikes in out of the rain. life is going to get better.


I don't think any of us thought you would crumble,dear sir. You were prepared for the last phase of your life, and MUCH more prepared for this one. Work, especially work you love, is the best healer for you,imho.
It's probably a little surreal, right now, after the cray cray life you have been living for so long.I would guess you still have to think twice, before you go taking a second or two, to remember you are free to go as you please. Please go. Get on that trike and take a nice long ride. While you do, try to remember as many of our screen names as you can and speak them out loud.
Do it for us, so we can live vicariously through you and do it for yourself, so you can know how many of us you have helped, supported, and sometimes pissed off. Count the people whose lives you have touched and made better. Us, surely, but your Mom is at the top of that list.
Again...Your'e a hell of a good man Captain Hard Ass! It's time to be good to yourself.
Capn, hang in there. It is like rebuilding Rome. I can tell you are a survivor, but I wish it could be easier for you. You earned a cabin in the mountains where you can drink in the fresh air and drink the clean water. But at least you don't have to worry about bears where you are. Hope you are blessed with a running commode and shower soon.
yes life will get better .
took me a longtime to get my pa s room cleaned out ... couldnt dare to go in there without crying . expecting to see pa lay in bed with a smile and hear him say good morning baby girl ...
life gets better and some days it just sucks .
enjoy ur trike !!! XOXO
Captain - take it one day at a time and take your time doing it - as long as you want. You've earned it. You took great care of your mom and she'd want you to be happy and to relax as you see fit. My caregiving ended in March and we just got through with all the estate stuff this month. It takes a little while to get used to not being on call, etc. but it will come - little by little. It's sad they're gone, but at least they're not hurting anymore. And now we don't have to deal with the dysfunctional family any more. They can be as crazy as they want to be - and I don't care. And I can do whatever I want to do now too - and I don't care if they care either - LOL!! Sucks, but it is what it is. Now enjoy life - Good luck!!
oh my a bear would feed me for 2 years. i wish one of em would walk up here and start some crap.
either way, as an elder reaches their last weeks and days the carer is reduced to a no esteem blithering maniac. you cant see the future, of course not youve lost a kings ransom in wages. once your life belongs to you again youll astound yourself at how quickly you can repair. please be kind to your care recipient. its all temporary . give them all youve got, youll be at peace after they pass.
@ linda, i couldnt stay in moms house. having provided companionship and care for her for 6 yrs i could own it if i wanted to. dont want to. two nights in that dead house without mom beating on my bedroom door every ten minutes was enough. i split.
What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.
Henry David Thoreau
mmm, jowel bacon and fried green beens , bread and butter. i can live large and cheap too.. everclear and a coke to wash it down, nice evening..
You're gonna be OK, Captain! May God bless you with everything you need and then some. Your sharing your story meant a lot to a lot of us, and still does. Hugs and prayers...
better times are ahead, just make sure your aging parent was your first priority / sacrifice then you can enjoy the newfound freedom. my peachtrees are loaded and the taste of the motherf*****s aint nothing short of incredible.

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