One sibling and I...

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Mom divorced when I was 7. Sibling was 13 then. We never saw dad again. Mom had that stipulation on the divorce. Mom brought us up alone, no alimony, no child support, no re-marriage (afraid of new husband could be a child abuser), totally vested in the 2 of us girls. I married when I was 20 and from So. Mexico moved to the USA. Sister stayed with mom. Sister never helped with allowed that. When I would go visit thru the years, I could see how much catering mom did for my sister, and my sister was a moocher and a taker. I did not like it, but... it was not my house nor my life, so I would try to defend mom and demand help with expenses. Sister ignored it all and mooched off mom. She stole from her who knows for how long. All the cash I could put together and send off to Mexico would disappear too quickly as of about 6 yrs. ago. Went down there to check things out, fridge broken, food spoiling, mom catering to sister hand and foot. Mom had no income, just what my hubby and I could send. Mom started having serious health issues, and instead of sister going to MD with her, the housekeeper would. Then, one of the many times mom came for a visit *for a month*, which was her one and only vacation in the year... my sister never took her anywhere... mom goes back home and finds an empty house... no sister, no sister's belongings..........lights out.............housekeeper/friend was with mom, walked into dining room to find a FOUR PAGE LETTER, written by sister stating: "I cannot take care of you. What you need is too expensive and I do not have it. Do not look for me. Do not search for me. Forget about me. I am gone." Mom, broken hearted, startled, hurt, confused, grabbed the letter and read it off to me over the telephone. I had taken mom to airport that morning, and that evening she was telling me what sibling had written..................................................................Well... my stomach sank. Half of me was glad that the mooching and stealing would stop. The other half of me KNEW that mom would not survive living alone. My intuition/common sense/inner self started mentally preparing for her coming to live with us. Mom and housekeeper went on a search.........and not finding her, mom fell into severe deep depression. Housekeeper spent the night with mom for 2 months, after which she said: My dad says I need to live at home... Then mom started looking for another companion to come in and live or rent... to no avail. Mom would go out driving, doing her daily supermarket run, paying bills, whatever and forget where she parked the car. MANY TIMES. Mom would go to an internet café every week to Instant Messenger with me, and I could see her in the camera looking AWFUL! Too thin, too weak, too sad................... On April 11, 2011 I asked her to move here with us. She said YES!!! Oh wow, I was elated. Had zero idea of what it is like to become a caregiver. But, I have been at it since July of 2011. What would you say? Sibling went awol, missing, MIA, when she could see mom declining, said bye bye, don´t bother me, I´m busy with my career, my single life, my accumulated wealth. You are old. You gave it all for me. Yeah, and who cares. See who or what YOU can do for yourself, I am too busy being selfish and egocentric. To this minute, we never heard of her again. Even dogs and cats, mice, penguins care about their families. Monkeys caress and take the bugs off their parents to bond and make them happy. What happened here, besides the obvious??? If anybody could chime in, I am all ears. I am glad - to a point - that she left. She resented my birth, since she was the only child till I came to mess up her world. That is what I did. Mom did not do that. This is history I have been meaning to put down in writing but did not have the courage. Mulata88 <3


As you know, there is a huge difference between cultures between here and there. My friends from there have completely different thought processes than I do. I know the fact that she must have been considered la solterona when you being younger married first must have bothered her greatly and caused more resentment. I would not let it bother you too much, your doing a good job.
Absolutely correct! The cultural differences are vast. Yes, what Tacy refers to as "La Solterona" means = Old Maid. What bothers me a lot is that she has no idea whether mom is still living, how's she doing, bla bla. How can a child NOT CARE for someone that gave it ALL for her 2 cubs? I do not have children.
Mom told me once, back when...........back years long time ago: You never have children so you don't understand the love a mother has for her child. (defending my sister obviously I was up to the eyebrows in rage for my sister's mooching and abusing mom)., and I said: No, mom, but I AM A DAUGHTER, and I understand what that is.
Once in a greaaaaaat while, when mom has a good day and a clear mind, she says: I wonder whatever happened to your sister??!?!?!?!?!?
I say: Well mom, she is WHERE she wants to be. And I am SURE she is HAPPY. Mom gets quiet and I walk off......................
who do they have for housekeepers ?
who cuts the grass ?
im pretty mixed up here ....

Mulata, let it go. Your sister burned out because she only knew how to take instead of how to give. Sadly many children are like this. Consider yourself blessed that you were not spoiled to the point of Narcissism.
I'm sorry that everything fell on your shoulders.It's not right or fair.Know that you are a good daughter and I'm sure she loves you very much.I think "selfish"is the only word to describe it.I don't know how some people can live with themselves.Bless you for hanging in there.Take care,Lu
Mulata, I had a cousin who did the very same thing! She was a taker, an only child, who was married, tgen divorced with 3 kids of her own, her parents did everything for her and her children, the best of parents and Grandparents. Once her widowed Mother became in firmed, and needed her help through her declining years, her daughter, my cousin decided that he job was done, her kids grown, and out on their own. So she just left, moved from Seattle to New Mexico to pursue living in an artist colony, apparently her dream! Her Mom, my Favorite Auntie, was left to be cared by my Mom, her youngest sister, and us 4 girls. We did our best by her, saw her into a beautiful Assisted Living home, wher she remained until she required Hospice care. She was dying, and then her wayward daughter reappeared 6 years later, to see her in her final days of life. She had POA, both medical and financial, so basically she was just back to gather up what remained of her estate, and we haven't really seen or heard from her since. We all were very close, before she decided to just dump her frail and needy Mother on us, so now I suppose she is embarrassed by her behavior. Whatever, she was a huge disappointment to us all, after everything her Mom and Dad did for her throughout her entire life! It was beyond selfish, but then again, no one truly knows what goes on in someone else's relationship. Perhaps there was dysfunction that I never knew about. It is still very sad, as I miss my cousin! I know that she lives very close to all of us, and that she is on Facebook. We are all still in touch with her children. It's very weird that she would cut Us out of our lives! She did come to see my own Mom, when she was dying and on Hospice. They were very close, more like sisters. I've bumped into her here and there, and it's strange and strained, so sad! I'm so sorry you have had to go through this upset in your family! Even though she was troubled, she was still your sister, and it must hurt you so much, especially trying to explain it all to your Mom. You are such a great daughter for taking care of her through out all the years, and even now, in your home! Mother's are incredible, and I miss my Mom, every day. Especially now, when I am going through a very difficult time in my own life, she would be right here, guiding me through it! Enjoy the time you have with her, these are cherished times, no matter how difficult they can be! Take care!
I am not defending your sister by any means and based upon posts, I am assuming you and your sister are older than I am. The stigma your sister faced was not pleasant for her and the use of mental health professionals or medications is not as socially acceptable as in the US. She probably had a breakdown and it is unfortunate she did not get the help she needed.

A child abandoning their parent is no different than a parent abandoning their child. From personal experience, I did not talk to my father for years due to his behaviors. It took many years for him to try to repair the relationship, mostly because he was embarassed of his actions. Hopefully, your sister will come to a realization and make amends.

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