Oldest child syndrome.

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Since I moved back home 18 yrs ago I've been the main person to my mom.Errands painting ,what ever she wanted .I was divorced not much going on in my life .I have two siblings brother helps when he can sister not so much.Mom has End stage COPD on oxygen 24/7 .I m going to be 60 in a few months. I met and fell in love this past year. It happened kinda of fast in my families eyes I couldn't be happier.We want to move south warmer weather easier on my RA .Well the are freaking out saying I'm abandoning our Mom.One day's drive away they can do more.I just want to be happy I'm not so young either .Am I a horrible daughter????

10 Comments

No you are not a horrible daughter..you are a great daughter for taking care of mom all these years. You need some happiness as well ..your life matters too. Siblings need to step up and help too.

Congrats on your new life!
Not horrible! Try moving out, making a gradual change to your new life by staying nearby for awhile.
What motivated your family to have concerns about the new relationship? Are there any red flags, such as moving too fast without really knowing the person? Or the person has early on convinced you to leave the area where you may get some support? Is the person self-supporting, or are you? By taking an honest look now, you can protect yourself from a possible mistake that is not so easy to bounce back from at age 60.
By all means, be happy! Not all whirlwind romances fail. Wishing you happiness!
I have move fast but moving south has been my dream we share all expencises he's a wonderful man you know real love when you have it. I've watched moms decline for along time. Is it wrong not to want to watch her die?
Not wrong, not horrible.
It is your life, enjoy it! If anyone has already done their time in caregiving and needs to be released for any reason, they have every right to live their life.

AC has a saying that I appreciate: " It is not our responsibilty to care for our parents, but it is to see that they are cared for".

Does this help?
Firstborn, you are not a bad person to want your life. And what better time? You have a man that you love, and seems to care for you. And at least you will be able to get south. Tell siblings when you are going, and do it. Do not just abandon mom, especially if she needs help, you could be brought up on charges of abandonment. If she needs help, find a facility for her where she will receive the care she needs.

Hey, why don't fire and police stations have "Safe Havens" for our elderly? So, many of would resort to that when all else fails.
Does no one consult the only person that is the topic of the conversation in this matter .Who actually has more say and more clout on the matter. Ask Your Mother. Maybe she wants to move south. If she is on O2 24 /7 homebase units will not provide enough level for the end stage and she will need a wall unit in skilled nsg. Facility. Does she have hospice? Family grief/ counseling is avail
My mom is still in her own home. She has nurses in and out they have someone clean for her weekly. She isn't alone she just prefers my help to there's. I'll be a day's drive away and always in contact. I just want what every newly married person wants to start a life for us.
And my new husband told me to bring her with us she said no.
You should go and start your life. Either your siblings step up or they don't. Mom has hired help and will not go without, certainly. And yes, at some point, she will most likely need facility care. You needn't be a 24/7 hands on caregiver to be a loving child.
Yes, start your life. I wish you happiness. You have already done so much.
It is your turn now. You will still oversee her care, delegate it to the
professionals now with a clear conscience.

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