Older siblings who still act the roles of childhood.

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I am the youngest and the only one who has been caregiving for our mom. Yet, they still try to intimidate and bully like when kids. Always trying to make me feel bad for getting tired of mind, body and soul and never wanting to truly help me by giving me breaks. I got the most degrading, disrespectful email from my brother today. He said and I quote "as the oldest and only male sibling I feel compelled to bring this family together. " Well where has he been the last 18 years? Definitely not helping me! As if I haven't been an adult for quite some time and literally having my mom's life in my hands!!!!! Then again mom doesn't help at all because she is so passive and doesn't want to get them mad. They should kiss my feet for taking such good care of her! Oh but I let him have it. Course nothing will change. I really need to hear from others who are going through similar situation and how did youdeal with it. Today I blew up and it felt good!!!

7 Comments

Yes Cats! It should feel good to stand up to worthless, selfish siblings. Keep doing it, it will soon feel great, and maybe they will show you some respect. Tell them they should kiss your A** too! (LOL) If your mother is so passive,then you have to be the tough one. If you brother wants to 'bring the family together' they should acknowledge the value of your caregiving duties and compensate you as well. If it wasn't you, they would have to pay someone else to come in and do the dirty work for them, wouldn't they?? I don't have any siblings at all, and from what I hear on these posts, I sometimes feel I'm better off that way.

Another thing, if your brother thinks it means something significant being the oldest and only MALE sibling, maybe he could show some maturity by actually bringing all the siblings together to come up with a reasonable plan of shared care for your Mom - especially if they have no intentions of paying you for your time. Don't let "distance" issues enter the picture either - everyone has to be expected to make some sacrifices, whether financial or personal. Good luck and hang tough!!
Thank you Orangeblossom! I really needed to hear some words of encouragement. Many days I feel like I am the only sane person in this screwed up world of caregiving. As for my siblings, it has always been like that. So yes! You are better off not having any. It is so hard caregiving for my mom and then to have to deal with them. I don't even want to see them! I am beyond pretending for my mom's sake. It blows my freaking mind how selfish they really are. So of course my feelings of resentment continue to
Sorry! I am sleep deprived so I tapped key when I shouldn't have! Meant to say my feelings of resentment continue to grow. I am so tired of this s#%*@! But thanks again.
Youngest here also of 7..No help..Tell your brother to either "step up" or "screw"!

Also I hope you have POA and don't have to get their approval to spend Mom's funds on her...
I wondered why he felt the sudden need to exert his position and bring the family together. Over what? If he wants to bring them together to give you some respite time or needed things, I would say, go to it, bro! :)
Thanks everyone. No the reason he wanted to play the "puesdo patriarch " was to discuss what "we " are going to do with mom in the future. Not how they can help me now. Told him what future??? The only way I get through this is day by day!! Sometimes hour by hour!
Cats, what Orange and everyone else said. Piss on them. If they give you any more grief or hassle from their lofty, almighty pedestals tell them to get bent. Tell them that next time they want to pass judgment on you, your mom will be at THEIR house, not yours, and then let's see what kind of shape THEIR minds and bodies are in! Tell your ridiculous brother that if he wants to 'bring the family' together, to get off his ass and do some care giving himself!

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