Oh what a night!


For the last six months, 96 year 8 month old mother has been getting very agitated about having her purse, her ID, her checks, etc. Up until the weekend, I have been able to dismiss it and change subjects. Mother was placed in Hospice care due to her deteriorating medical health.

Mother was diagnosed with another UTI which explains her mental state. However, she has been on medication since Saturday, and she is getting worse. She keeps insisting that she has been in Las Vegas and everyone went with her. She is mad at everyone for not agreeing with her.

I went to see her tonight, and it was like dealing with a crazy person. (I know, because my ex-husband was bi-polar) Talking to the staff, she was fine all day. Right after dinner she started in again--sundowning.

My mistake was going to talk to her tonight. She was screaming at me and telling me she was going to call the police because she is living in a concentration camp. She also told me that I was being horrible, and she should have died the way I am treating her now. I told her I was leaving and to give me a kiss. She refused.

Plans are that I will stay away until Sunday since I make everything worse. Nurse is going to check on her tomorrow to check her mental status. On Sunday, my husband will go with me and visit with her. IF she starts screaming at me again, i will just up and leave. I refuse to go back on Lexapro. After 27 years of caregiving and jumping at every command, I am throwing in the towel.

Thanks for listening. It is really hard because my mother was my best friend. Today that ended.

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3pinkroses, Thank you for making me feel I am the only one to go through this. Unfortunately, I am the only she has. So, I will still take her the stuff she needs, but it will be in and out visits until she gets better. My dear husband will act as a buffer on Sunday.

Hugs to you across the miles Nansacola - I've been through similar situations with my mother. She had multiple problems contributing to her behavior. But, staying away for periods of time is helpful. I had chronic pain problems while taking care of her needs and her behavior only exacerbated my symptoms.

Antipsychotic meds helped improve the quality of my mother's life at the NH. And it improved our relationship. If only she had agreed to medication earlier in life.....She also demanded certain things be brought to her as well; and I did as you are doing - I had to walk away. It is their reality and there is nothing we can do about it, unfortunately. Best thing is to not agitate them in any way, and I found walking away and keeping a distance for a time was helpful in all regards. Hoping things improve for you and take care.

Thank you JessieBelle and littletonway. She is agitated because she wants her IDs, her banking checks, and all her money. In her mind, she is going shopping and traveling. She has been asking for these things for over a month. I cannot give her those things, someone could walk off with them. If I give her money, I can see her accusing someone of stealing it.

I will visit briefly on Sunday. If she demands those things again, I will just walk away. I am not going to argue about it anymore. It is now up to Hospice and Assisted Living to take care of the situation. She pushed me over the edge once, and it will not happen again.

As difficult as it may be, it is best just to go along with what your Mom is saying....this is HER reality, not yours. It will only confuse and upset her to disagree or try to make her understand the truth of the situation.

It is upsetting, but at this point going along with her reality is best for you both.

Nansacola, the first thing that occurred to me was that she might be on the wrong antibiotic. Or maybe the antibiotic hasn't had time to work well. When my mother had a UTI they put her on Macrobid for a few days. It turned out the the bacteria she had was sensitive to Bactrim and not Macrobid, so those first few days saw no improvement. When they switched her, it took another week for her to have some improvement and two weeks before the symptoms were gone. She was an absolute mess until she got better. I never want to go through that again.

I hope that your mother's craziness clears as her UTI clears. UTIs can have some terrible effects on elderly people. It's not unusual for a person to become psychotic. Let us know what happens as she gets better.

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