Nursing home "shame".
How do we cope with my husband’s sibling who is trying to shame us horribly since we placed Mom into a long term care facility? It is a LONG story but my husband’s siblings financially exploited their parents. She came to live with us almost 3 years ago after Dad died and eventually my husband had to petition for guardianship and conservatorship. Mom has Alzheimer’s and in the last six months, we have seen her regress. She soils herself, the couch, the carpeting and then hides her used Depends all over. We tried regular bathroom breaks, but nothing was helping. A few weeks ago she asked if she should take her pills which surprised us as we dispense her medicine. She actually had found some small buttons and thought they were pills. For over a year, my husband and I took turns sleeping on a futon outside her room as she would wander at night and we were afraid she would get into something as we found scissors under her bed one day.
His brother has not called in over 2 years because we are pursuing criminal charges against him, but his sister has only been her 2 times to visit in all this time. When she calls Mom, it is clear she has no true understanding what Alzheimer’s is like (even though Dad also had it severely). Because Mom can tell her it is sunny outside and the weather is beautiful (even if it is 10 degrees), she thinks she is functioning just fine. She stopped communicating with us directly over 2 years ago because my husband asked her to help us get Mom’s funds back. Now she has called the police for a well-being check – telling them she has not been able to speak to her mother. This happened the day after my husband sent her an email saying we would not be available for a week. She had also just spoken to her mother 3 days prior. Now that she knows the facility she is in, she is sending us emailing telling us how shameful we are and leaving me voicemails saying, “SHAME, SHAME, SHAME”. This was one of the hardest decisions we ever had to make yet now we have to put up with this. Any suggestions?