What is your "line in the sand" re: nursing home placement?
A fellow user brought up this point in another thread, and I thought it was worthy of a thread of its own. (Thanks FadingShadows!)
What is your "line in the sand" when it comes to nursing home placement for your loved one? At what point will you decide that you can no longer care for them...or will you do everything and anything to keep them at home - up to and including hiring in-home health care for 24/7 shifts?
Most of us cannot afford to provide that sort of care - it's simply not possible.
For me, I think that time will come when Mom becomes completely unable to walk and requires lifting - or has a medical issue that can't be cared for in the home (stroke, etc). Mom is a very heavy woman, and I am only one person - I would have to have a Hoyer lift in the house to move her at that point, and as I am not a medical professional, I don't feel comfortable using one of those. Serious injury to the caregiver and caree can occur.
I would be all for rehab and physical therapy if she would do it, but that has been suggested in the past - as recently as last year - and she refuses to do it. I keep her moving as much as possible - 1 trip walking up and down the wheelchair ramp to the house is about as much as she can take at a time - but it's a losing battle. She sits and lays in bed more than she walks, so the 5 minutes of activity she gets from walking the ramp is almost meaningless. So it's just a matter of time before she has a serious fall or becomes unable to walk at all.
So that's mine - when Mom becomes completely incapacitated to the point where she can't move on her own or has a serious medical issue that I can't provide proper care for, we will have to look at assisted living or an NH, because I can't move her on my own.
What's yours?
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So far shes ok once shes downstairs but if she falls more and more then its a NH i just couldnt cope.
It is not possible to look after someone 24/7 without the carer becoming ill or worse, never did i see myself here mum has suffered all her life she deserves to go in her sleep in peace and thats all i pray for now. My friend tells me to get her name down now but i cant handle that right now not yet as i still believe she will die at home? Call it a gut feeling i dont know why i feel like this?
For me, the NH and mom are almost there. It's her anger/aggression that will put her there. Lying on the floor screaming that someone is trying to kill her (me) is my limit to sanity. Even had to call 911/emt's but they wouldn't take her. She wasn't "hurt", just "upset". So they had me call my brother's to come pick her up. This was Monday evening. Haven't heard a peep from anyone since then.
So yeah when I become crazier than the crazy lady it's just about time.
Another consideration for my mother is dementia. If she begins to wander or create danger for herself or others, she will need to go into a facility. I hope that we don't ever face this possibility.
We were fortunate in not having to face decisions with my father. He was able to walk well enough and take care of his ADL's until the last four days of life, which were spent in the hospital. I hope it is the same for my mother. On Monday, her doctor talked to her about preparing for the end. The doctor was glad to hear that things were in place, but it made me realize I need to look at nursing facilities more seriously in case they are needed quickly. The doctor probably noticed what I have been seeing -- that the end is approaching quickly now.