I am not looking forward to picking my mom up from her 1 night 2 day respite stay because I have to explain to her again that she goes back again tomorrow for her regular visit.

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Mom spends Tues and Thurs at a day services place that also has respite. She liked it ok for a while but doesn't like it now. For various reasons, no one could be at home with her yesterday and today, so she stayed at the respite at the same place. She didn't argue about going there to stay and helped me pack her suitcase. But when they didn't send her home on the bus yesterday and told her she was staying the night, she got very upset. Apparently she has been getting up and wanting to leave every few minutes today. On my way to pick her up now and not looking forward to her being upset. Really not looking forward to explaining that she goes back tomorrow for her "regular" Thursday. Wish me luck!


Hopefully picking up Mom was a non-issue! Should this issue ever come up again, just have them explain to her that SHE is so very vital to them and could she please just find it in her heart to help for just a few more (hours) minutes, whatever works.

If she is still very unruly, ask her to help with something. Directing them to a useful activity usually helps! I have seen unruly attendees go from agitated, to helpful just by feeling they have a purpose.

Julie, is your mother worried that you're gonna keep her there permanently one of these days? If so, then that's why she's wanting to go home constantly. Although, my mother-in-law who has dementia has NO concept of time anymore. I tell her the day before, then the day of, that I'm picking her up at a certain time. So what does she do but wait all day for me to come, either that or totally forget that I was coming in the first place. So it could be a time thing with your mother. You are very fortunate that you do have some place to put her when necessary. That's a good thing.
MiaMadre - Mom loves to be helpful. I'll mention that to them. Overall, the people there are really good, but I'm not sure they have tried that.

naheaton - I'm not sure. Mom has always been a homebody, so it might be that she just doesn't want to be anywhere other than home. When we talked about it she said that she has already been in respite once and she thought she could decide not to do it again. I think she doesn't like not having a choice.

We are very lucky that we have this option. But it just breaks my heart that she gets so upset. Once I picked her up she was fine, and she went back today without complaining. I wasn't expecting that. :-)
Another consideration:

Mia asked a great question and you are fortunate to know your Mom loves to help.

I've never left Mom anywhere overnight and rarely more than five to six hours. Usually less than five. Thus, my offering is one not based on a lengthily time away, but a wonderful concept that solved the problem that I actually lucked into.

I had been caring 24/7 for Mom for well over a year. We'd daily walk through the Mall, drive through the country, etc. In that we had a great relationship and I knew she was being well cared for, I though little of anything else.

I was talked into leaving her at a Day Care center once, just to see how it went. When I picked her up I was dumb-founded at her emotional lift. I only then realized she needed people her own age to communicate with. I resolved to take her there three afternoons a week.

The problem I had to deal with was how to tell her I was taking her to a Day Care center. SHE solved that problem by wondering when I was going to take her back to the "Women's Club" - (which had many men there, as well). So, for three plus years we went to Women's Club.

A second great aspect was that in that she has always been a caregiver, of sorts, she was always willing to help the staff with various projects. Thus, not only did she go to Women's Club, but she went to work, got her 'schedule', etc., from the staff, as well.

Perhaps some mental steering toward such things might help your Mom's continued willingness... and perhaps fond desire... to go.

Good luck...
We ALL need a purpose! Uncovering the 'helpful gene' in our parents seems to work. After all most of these parents were WORKING parents, and used to being busy.

My mother would ask when we had to be "at work" the next day! I told her we hadto be there at "10" or any other number that seemed to work, AND if she asked too many times muttering about how 'busy' she was, I would tell her we had the DAY OFF... so we could relax tomorrow!

Again I say... we ALL need a purpose, a reason to get up in the morning!
The other day a lady and her aide came into out knitting/crocheting group and I was hoping the lady had crocheted at some time in her lift and would pick up on it so I helped her but she was not able to do it but it is a good thing to give them a try with yarn and a crochet hook or knitting needles many of them did it when they were young-if you are able to have an elder person seem useful it makes them so happy-I can imagine how boring if others think you should just sit around all day.
For those that cannot crochet or knit (or forgot how to do so) why not have them just 'wrap' a ball of yarn. Most skeins of yarn are easier to work with if they are in a 'ball' and I found that almost everyone can do that. If not.

Looking at 'pattern books' is fun too. Sometimes the 'vintage crochet patterns will spark conversation!

Also there are knitting looms (simple, easy to do) from KNIFTY KNITTER that are fun too!

There are also 'tie' squares kits that can be made into quilts, and don't require any sewing, knitting OR crochetting! Fun too.

SO much fun.

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