It's official - I'm not the best person for caregiving but can't afford help...
I have someone to come in the mornings to transport Daddy to Adult Day Care and administer his meds.
I also have someone to come at night to give Dad his meds at the IL center. I've been trying to navigate the addition of oxygen, and I learned that his IL has someone that can help with it, but for an additional cost.
His IL bill is ridiculous and by the time we cover the Adult Daycare, paying the transportation and meds folks, he's stretched. I've had to come to the IL facility every evening (my job is in the evenings) to help Dad with the oxygen and they're threatening to fire me.
On top of that, he gets so nervous around me. He literally shakes. I'm sure he can sense my frustration. Yesterday, after asking him to stop while riding his scooter, he kept right going and sailed off the curb almost tipping over. My reaction: to yell: "I TOLD YOU TO STOP!!!!" I didn't mean to yell. I was just afraid he'd hurt himself.
I feel like the most awful person in the world. I yell at old cancer patients. I have NO patience whatsoever. I'm not a nice person. I'm always mad... at EVERYTHING.
I literally run everyone away because I bite everyone's head off. My father is AFRAID of me!
I just want all this to be over.
I see people that graciously take this task on. Most of the time I hate it.
I'm just tired of it all