I have 5 brothers and sisters but nobody can give me a break.

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I have been caring for my dad for the past couple of years. It is now my "job" so I have been told. I don't have any money of my own, but my rent and bills are covered by my Dad for caring for him. Well, I have 5 brothers and sisters who are just too busy to give me time off, exept for one of my sisters. She visits often and really helps out, but I am still here when she does. She says I can take off, but where am I supposed to go without any extra cash. I have a brother who lives in town, but he works 6 days a week. There are 3 other people in their house but no one can help. The others brothers and sisters come to visit my Dad often but no one offers to help. I do have it pretty easy though because my 90 yr old father can still get around a little. He can eat and use the bathroom hinself but barely. When I talk of having a break, they all have quick answers. The only time I can go anywhere is when I go grocery shopping, the doctors, or for an hour or two, but this is only on a month or 2 basis. Sometimes I regret my dad, and sometimes I want to just leave when my other siblings vist, but like I said, I have no money of my own. I am so sick of staring at these walls! Help!


None of you are young enough to be doing any of this. Where on earth are the grandchildren? If Dad is a veteran, call the VA for help. Ask about Aid and Attendance for him.
There are places you can go that are free. Go to the library and look at books or magazines. My library shows movies...or participate in a book club at your library. Go to a park...walk around a mall...do you have any friends? Ask one of them to go for a walk. Join a MeetUp group near you that shares your interests and attend some of their events. Go to a support group for caregivers. Just get away from your house and your dad for a change in scenery! That can make a huge difference in your attitude.
Ask your family for a family meeting. Discuss with them your job conditions and that all jobs come with some benefits, however you need to renegotiate yours to include a week's paid vacation. Between the 5 of them I think they could come up with money and share the load. Explain to them that they would be paying a lot more if your father had a live-in companion. If you don't get respite, they will be doing something like that because you will get sick. Also have you looked into getting paid by social security or the VA for caregiving? I don't know how it works, but I know my friend was able to get her mother-in-law benefits for that.
I like the family meeting idea, but it's not always feasible. It would be a lost cause in my case, for example. I have six siblings, 4 of whom live out of state, and none of them (with one exception) feels any obligation to help my mother, let alone to help me in any way. And some who might chip in to help Mom (not me, in any case) will only do so if everyone else chips in equally, which will never happen.

You (sosickofit) are only 45, and your dad is 90. When he dies, you will still be way too young for Medicare or social security. What then? My suggestion to you is to get a part time job and find your way back into the paid labor force. You need your own income now, and you will clearly need it even more once Dad is no longer paying the bills. Unless Dad is planning on leaving you a fortune. If he has a fortune to leave you, he should be paying you a wage now and you would have money to take a nice vacation.
your dad needs to be paying for you to have respite
Your needs are important too. In my situation, its out of sight, out of mind. My husband and my relationship is cracking under strain. You think one of his brothers would take the kids for a few days right? Let us have alone time? Yeah, they don't see it your way because they will never understand the strain. My opinion is that you need to put your foot down. Your dad should be in assisted living, especially if its getting to a point where bathroom faculties may go soon. You need your own life, job, etc. Start planning now. If your siblings don't agree, they don't have to. Your in charge of him. And if they don't like it, then they can do what you do, they can take him in. Don't wait too long and resent your dad. Don't watch your life pass you by. Your a good person for taking him on, but you need a life too. GL.
It seems like this is very common with many families. In my family, neither of my sisters help out much, and most of the caregiving is falling on my shoulders. It has been very difficult. That is extremely selfish of your siblings to not help out. I agree with CarlaCB that getting a part time job is a great idea. Plus it will get you out of the house a little on top of the money. Your needs are also important.

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