Hello all, I'm Shaddy and I came to this board last year. My Dad had just suddenly passed away from shingles going into his spinal cord, then his brain & causing seizures until he passed a few days later in March.
I moved from my house, my husband and my cats and moved in with my Mom (she had dementia)....I was there 2 months and she stroked. Came home with hospice and died in July.
I was alone with both my parents when they died. My Dad was 93, Mom was 90 and they had been married 70 years. I came here often to read more than post.......as I was the only child and the only caregiver. I had taken care of my parents for several years.
I don't know why I keep coming back here, but I do. I read and I feel your pain. It's like I need to be with others who have gone thru the same situations.
But I've noticed that not much is said after death. People state their loved one is gone....but not the aftermath of what happens in the weeks to come. After the funerals, after everyone has gone away and then it becomes a reality that they are gone forever and you will never see them again.
No one tells you how you will be doing fine and then when you least expect it, a wave a grief will wash over you and almost take you down.
No one tells you that when they die, you feel like your heart has just been ripped from your body.
No one tells you of the different emotions you will have to face.
THEN IT HAPPENS........YOUR body falls apart. Talking care of my parents did a number on my body. Things you make yourself not notice while you are caring for them......and then....wow. Your back is messed up from all the times you have pulled them, tugged them, helped them out of the floor........turned them over in the hospital bed to change them......your neck pain, stomach pain.....Aside from that the emptiness you feel in the days to come. Always feeling as though you are needed somewhere, to realize NOT ANY MORE! The sleepless nights, the nights you can't help but see their faces as they died.......you want to remember the smiling face, not the dead face......but the dead face is the one that comes into your mind.....it haunts you.
No one tells you about everything you need to do after they die. My parents had wills. Dad had his and Mom had hers.......which is almost useless because you still have to go thru probate court, you still have to get a letter from Medicaid that they don't owe them any money before it goes thru probate. (My parents never had Medicaid)......then you have to send a letter to IRS to see if any back taxes are owed.....then you have to let their estate run in the paper as a notice to creditors.....4 months.
So much to do, so many rules and regulations.....this hasn't included funeral arrangements and what you have to do there in the middle of your grief.
It's been over a year.....and I'm still tired.
So even when they died, it wasn't over.
Just had to write this out. I thank you all for holding me up last year. God Bless you all!