This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
pam - I think we all are a bit more distracted than usual these days.
gershun - that is weird. The rash could be stress but the ankle????
I woke up today feeling like I twisted my ankle and with a rash on my face. What gives? Did I walk in my sleep? Very weird.
This morning, I woke up with severe chest pain. I’ve been having it all day today. I haven’t really been watching the news on Covid. I’ve been watching Reddit, MaliciousCompliance, iDon’tWorkHereLady, Instant Karma Dashcam videos, ATC aviation and singing along with music videos... Anxiety and Tense body (couldn’t stretch my arms up or down or across, couldn’t turn my head). ... I just did my stretching exercises despite the severe chest pain. I just made sure to breathe slowly and deeply. As I was typing the 1st paragraph, my chest pain shot up... But at least my pain level has gone down... Fear of the Unknown Future.
Aren’t dreams funny? My cousin called me a couple of days ago and said she had a dream that she and I drove to Florida to go to the beach.
Wait, this is the funny part. We were on a motorcycle! LOL I hate motorcycles, so does she.
We only had one helmet and we were taking turns wearing the helmet. Hahaha 😂. We both giggled about her goofy dream.
I would like to respond. I personally, don't have any children, I didn't get married until I was 48. My wife was 56, it's her daughter. She is 57 and hasn't worked since I've known her, 22 years. Her husband retired and moved the family to Tenn. and he was the only happy one out of the 3. She would let us know that she wasn't happy living there and that she was coming back to California to live with us.
This happened every 2 or 3 months, that's how long it took before shit hit the fan at their house due to her excessive drinking. Then one day she says she is on her way. Ready or not! So I gave in and said it would be ok as long as you help me with her Mother.
I get Social Security and a pension, my wife didn't qualify for S.S., not enough credits. But she get's half of what I make through S.S., being as we have been married for over ten years. And we can work with that. We live in a mobile home with 2 bedrooms, one half the size of the other. It sleeps one.
She tells me she is bringing her son also, but they are going to rent an apt., and both look for jobs. They arrived last April, 2019. They both moved in right away. He found a job at an amusement park, after 3 months and has not worked since the Corona Virus. She never did look for work, but she did look for and found the liquor store. I still cook, do the laundry for my wife and I. Vacuum, do dishes, about every other day, express our dog 3 or 4 times a day. She can't go on her own. And do the shopping as needed for my wife and I and enough to include my wife's daughter and 25 year old grandson to eat during meals if they want.
What I get in return is a few hours a week where I can get some space and that doesn't always happen because my wife want's to go everywhere I go. I think she, my daughter-in-law, has cooked 4 or 5 times in the last year. She feeds the dog after I get it, the dog food, ready. She vacuum's their tiny bedroom. And she helps with watching my wife, because she will roam.
When she first got here she said she wanted to know about how to get paid for care taking. Her Brothers wife works in that system and told her what to do to get info. on it. But she has done nothing to get that info. And I think that's a wrap. So now I and my wife now live in a overcrowded house where I get some extra time off for myself. I only see the boy a couple of times a day as he never leaves the room. And the daughter has no problem sitting and watching tv all day.
So am I paying my daughter-in-law fair wages. As a matter of fact no. I charge both of them $20.00 a week. That's $160.00 a month, for a place to live and your not going to starve. Hey, they seem fine with that. I bet. You can't find that anywhere. And now my wife and I are stuck with them. So it can work both ways.
May I ask if she or you have a social worker? My dad had one. She was wonderful in helping dad and mom get services like meals on wheels (for mom), a caregiver's program to help dad once a week, etc... When both my parents were bedridden, I got one. They provided monthly meetings to help us understand Medicare, elder law attorney, etc....... Please feel free to come and vent. It is really difficult when they have a one track mind.
She want's to go to the store to get something as soon as she gets home from going to the store and she doesn't let up. I have to raise my voice once in a while and I hate that. Anyone mentions they need to go somewhere, it doesn't matter where you are going and she want's to go. So I take her with me most of the time and so does her daughter. But we get home and she say's she needs to go get something and threatens to walk if we don't take her. Forget the Corona-Virus.
It makes for really trying times. How do I deal with it? I just do. I'd grind my teeth but I lost them when I got throat cancer. You just have to watch them 24/7, literally. This is that worse part in for better or worse. I also have to protect our dog, which she loves to death. Me too! She threw a disc and never recovered fully from surgery so her hind quarters are paralyzed. This means she sits a lot and she likes sitting next to my wife.
This isn't a good thing because even though we feed Brie, our dogs name, and give her treats, my wife is constantly trying to sneak her something more. Now she's overweight and I worry she'll give her something that could hurt her as she doesn't think about what she's feeding her. That's another constant battle. I could go on, it's just a constant battle.
I guess it's good to say that I'm retired, so I can "deal" with it and that's what I do.
Thank you, I know that if he was his normal self before the stroke and illnesses he would have kicked his own butt for the way he is speaking to my mother.
2 days after his stroke {30 years ago) he told my brother he was gonna get out of his bed and give him a 1 legged ass kicking if he spoke to our mom like that again.
And now .... I just don't know what to do. I'll be ok and it will get better but, right now. I am just struggling .
Just be careful and observant of your father’s behavior. It might escalate as his frustration increases. You and your mom take care.
I am trying to get him to talk to someone and get medication but, he refuses unless his PC prescribes it and then "he will only take it if he feels like it".
We have always gotten alone really well until now. If everything isn't his way all the time I'm suddenly being horrible and grouchy.
I'm really tired and this is only a small bit of how just one day is in my house is. When he is not hateful he talks, makes noises or sings almost 20 hours a day. Yes, sometimes in his sleep even.
I'm just really tired and need a break from his daily emotional roller coaster
That is how i am currently coping and thank you for asking
Feel better soon.
With sensitivities like yours, maybe getting a hepa filter for your room as soon as possible. Plan on future spending for the replacement filters.
I spent $129.00 on the machine.
Then I discovered the kitchen sink and pipe is leaking (water on the floor.) Nephew fixed it. But, I think I reached my limit because I started crying. I don't cry. I hate crying. Crying gives me a d*rn headache. I was finally able to stop it but not before the pounding headache came. It was just a standing there letting the tears fall down. No bawling my head off. And I still got a headache from that. Now, I feel 'off'. I think I was so busy coping with the virus stress, money, work - and didn't realize I was going through depression again. One day at a time. Gotta go dig up that song....
By the way, I almost thought the ragdolls were raggedy Ann dolls until further reading. Nope, you all weren't talking about dolls. =)
shell - they have hairier paws than any other cat I have had but not tufted. They both have gorgeous thick coats medium to long haired. Rocky has a small ruff around her neck and a tiny goatee. Pumpkin's coat is the longer and is as soft as could be. She has strange eyes - very round and soft looking. Rocky's eyes are very large and typical Maine Coon shaped. They have lovely fluffy trousers and tails. 😊 Pumpkin is very spontaneous and rushes at anything she wants. I worry about her going on the road in front. She acts before thinking and there is a pesky squirrel in the trees. Rocky is extremely alert and careful. and a one person cat (me). She surveys the territory and takes everything in before she moves. They are so interesting!!!
glad - a different Easter for sure. I am roasting turkey thighs tomorrow. Love the smell of roasting turkey. I have a canned ham (poor substitute, I know) but can make it work, Next grocery order i will get a proper ham. I have some mint chocolate which is a fave of mine for treats and got some fresh raspberries which are awesome. I had to taste test them tonight!!! I will probably have asparagus with my turkey, and maybe roasted cauliflower.
You have had great temps We are still getting a little snow.
Everyone Happy Easter or whatever other holiday you celebrate this time of year. It is different but still can be good. We have much to be thankful for.
Did my usual cleaning of the bathroom today instead of Sunday. The temps here on Wednesday were near 80, Thurday mid-70's, Friday mid-60's, today about 70 again. Tomorrow? One of the lowest temps for Easter expected. A high in the 20's with snow. Brrrr!
Today the yard was power raked and cut short, hopefully get that old JohnDeere in for yearly service before it needs cutting again. The guy that did it is a firefighter, so gave him a bit extra. Such a hard life for those first responders now.
Have a great and cheerful Easter all! Be thankful for all you have in spite of the crazy world right now. Cherish your loved ones.
Elaine, I have heard that Ragdolls are easy going, are they?
My Maine Coon is shy. She doesn't like anybody but my SO and myself and she will bite if you pick her up and she doesn't know you or if you brush her to long--like for 10 minutes. She hates being brush!!
Book, great it sounds like you are doing just fine. Keep it up.