No health insurance...

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Hello: I'm caring for my 91 y/o mother who has Dementia. I had to bring her here from Mexico because my brothers and sister didn't want to care for her anymore. My sister had hired a woman who was just awful, when I went to visit in 2011 I noticed the horrendous treatment and lack of experience this person had so, since my sister wanted to just dump our mother in a low end nursing home in Mexico, I chose to bring her here. This was back in 2012 but as of now, my mother has no health insurance, no legal papers to stay here in the US, even if I'm an American Citizen, the paper work to get her legalized would take years.
My brothers and sister refuse to help financially, my husband and I are the solely responsible for her medical and personal care, we pay for everything but I know one day she might need hospitalization and I frankly am just fed up with being the only one in this boat. My daughter and husband help a bit but I'm here almost 24/7 and I just hate it.
I need help, it's getting more difficult for her to walk, I hate cleaning her up, it's hard for me alone to give her showers, this is making me very angry and frustrated.
I stopped a long time ago asking my family in Mexico to help, I shouldn't have to ask so I quit. I feel alone and abandoned by them, it's just so unfair.
I think I made a huge mistake bringing her here, I should have stayed and come to an arrangement with my siblings, at least in Mexico, she would have some kind of medical assistance. But now neither of my siblings wants her there, so Im stuck.
I hate this, and I'm stuck with it.


Take her home to Mexico and find a nursing home near your siblings or not. Not knowing where in Mexico from you come, I googled "nursing homes in Mexico" and discovered an author that I think you should read: Monica Rix Paxson. She is author of the English Speaker’s Guide to Medical Care in Mexico, an eBook available for immediate download containing practical advice about how to plan for and use medical and healthcare services in Mexico. Good luck.
Hello: I wish it was so easy but neither of my brothers or sister are willing to chip in to pay for that, she has been here for 2 years and 9 months and they haven't sent one single penny to help us out. I also have done some research of some nursing homes, not top of the line or bottom of the barrel and I've found about 3 that would do just fine but when I proposed this to my siblings two of them said that they couldn't pay, the other two didn't even respond. I told all four of them that each of us would have to contribute about $500.00 dollars a month and that would pay for her room and board and also care, we need to pay for her medications separately but like I said, neither one agreed.
I proposed this to them about a year and a half ago, I wrote and called and asked but no one is willing to help so, I can't just take her back and dump her on someone's door, I wouldn't do that to a dog.
My husband and our daughters do help when I need to or want to go out for a bit, to keep an eye on her, I also leave her alone once in a while, her bedroom is just a few steps from her bathroom, she is still able to get up and go back and forth to use it, I have a gate by the stairs that I lock when I leave, I lock the doors to the other bedrooms as well.
My biggest fear is that I just don't know what we will do if and when she needs urgent care or hospitalization, all of those expenses will have to come out of our pockets. My family in Mexico think that because we live in the USA. we are rolling in dollar bills so I think that, the moment I brought her here, they made up their minds that we could afford it. My husband never complains about the expense of getting the medications, adult disposable under ware, pads, etc. he even insisted on buying an electrical bed for her to be more comfortable, we got her a memory foam mattress, she has a tv. cable, etc. I am so very grateful for that, but I feel ashamed of my siblings that are so d*mn irresponsible and have shown such an enormous lack of care and compassion for our mother. He and our daughters keep telling me to just forget about them, to just let go and I sort of have, you know? but it still bothers me and makes me furious so I guess I haven't let go completely.
Anyway, thank you for your comment, I'm glad I found this site, at least I can come her and vent a little.
Oh, I forgot to mention that we are from Mexico City but I have a brother who lives in the state of Queretaro.
Your husband is right - forget about your siblings. I wasn't suggesting abandoning her. I hope you can explore some options in Mexico where the care is cheaper and Mexico has seen an increase in medical tourism. And she's a citizen so I hope they'd treat her with more respect and kindness than here. Depending on where you live here, it may be very difficult to find a public hospital or county nursing home as both have been closing more and more.
If you don't have the funds for her health care or long term care, then I'm not sure what public assistance your mom might qualify for. I can'tr imagine she would qualify for many if she is not here legally. That's a tough situation. Is you mom legally documented? You might check this site. IT SAYS CALIFORNIA has Medicaid benefits for undocumented residents who need LONG TERM CARE. I'd check it out.


Market place doesn't offer much.
tryingtomarket, this is a tough situation, since federal and state laws are involved. If you want to keep your mother here, you may want to get legal advice on how to proceed from a trusted attorney who is versed in handling situations for undocumented people. Some states, e.g. TX and CA, can be more compassionate in dealing with humanitarian situations than other states. One thing you don't want is to end up in trouble yourself while looking for help. Do you have any ideas of what you could do, given the money will come only from you, if your mother does not return to Mexico? Care in the US is expensive and facilities may have to report the care of an undocumented person. I haven't been through this myself, so the only thing I can recommend is to get legal advice from someone who knows the laws and loopholes of your state. Perhaps there is a humanitarian clause in the law somewhere. I don't know, but an attorney might.
If your mother ever needs emergency care just take her to the hospital. They'll treat her and work out payment later. Medicaid will pay for for undocumented aliens. We don't expect people to die on the steps of the hospital just because they are undocumented. Long term care is different. The hospital social worker will be all over you to get her application in pronto so the hospital is not stuck for the cost of her care. As a welfare worker we approved Medicaid for this. The benefits fan be approved for three months retroactively. There is probably an elder care attorney who has dealt with the long term care issue before. Ask around.

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