No good deed goes unpunished. I am done!
The lady that's living in my mothers body is a mean, nasty selfish person,and I quit! I haven't posted much since my heart attack and for a while Mom was consumed with worry about me, and quite loving and caring. Now she "forgets" I had a HA and just remembers that it is MY fault that she is in the home. She is on her 4th room mate in 8 months because she doesn't like anyone. She treated the last two so rudely and mean.....like she treats me.
My sister who has been causing all the family grief for many years, (the one who threatened me the day before my HA and shot my stress through the roof) has stepped in and has been manipulating Mom into believing that I am the one that has caused all the discord. My brothers, who know better are both in the mindset of 'Just let it be'. That was ok for a while until Mom called me last week to tell me she tried to love me but she can't and she doesn't like me either. She hates the nurses and aid that make her stay in her wheel chair and every time one of them reprimands her, she takes it out on me. All she remembers about the 3 years I cared for her is that I "took away her independence" and would not allow her to do things that put her life in danger.
I understand as well as you all do that the dementia has her brain so scrambled that she can't recognize truth from lies.
I am in Self Preservation mode and trying to take care of myself, but the stress has me chain smoking and I've had more Migraines in the last 3 months then I have had in the last 3 years.
My brothers love me and understand what I am dealing with, but that is not enough right now. I wish the 2 of them would sit Mom down and tell her the truth! We have protected Mom from the horrible things my sister has said and done, but I want to shout it out to her at the top of my lungs!!! I am tired of taking the blame for all that bothers her, and not getting the appreciation for keeping her out of that place for 3 years and saving her life multiple times.
I want to tell my brothers to back me up to Mom. In her eyes, they are both perfect and she would believe the truth from them. They did 2 things that backfired on me in a big way.When I first came, they went overboard with praise for me and the way I took after Mom, with the sole purpose of pissing my sister off. They both hate her for many years of BS she has put all of us through. She started manipulating my Mother after that and saying I was "bullying" mom. Then a few days before my HA, Mom told one of them some things the sister said and he decided to call her in for a meeting and pretty much told her off. I warned him that it would back fire on me, but he swore it would not. The next day came the threats and a day later, the heart attack.
Now they both just want to pretend everything is fine and take the easy way out."for Moms sake". They visit once a week and only do small talk. I get the all the complaints and accusations and made to feel like a horrible person. I quit! I do not answer her calls, and do not call the home to check on her anymore.
Unfortunately that has resulted in more stress related ailments and lots of sleepless nights. Should I ask my brothers to talk to Mom or just move on with my life, away from the drama? I'm asking the people that know this disease best.Should I wait for the next stage, when she has forgotten even more and then forgive her and go back to normal visits and phone calls? Your advise would be welcome and appreciated.