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I'm new to this forum and looking to meet other caregivers. My mother is no longer able to care for herself and needs someone with her at all times. She also gets confused at times. She thinks she can get up and walk by herself but she can't because she gets dizzy and falls. I left her alone for a few minutes to go to the bathroom the other day and when I went back to her she had gotten up. She broke her arm last summer and has not been the same. Another family member, family friend and I are providing most of my Mom's care. The whole situation is very stressful.


Welcome to the forum, stressedout. It is a wonderful place to vent, ask questions, read about others, get advice and understanding.

Has your mother had a stroke or does she have Alzheimers or other disease? Or is she simply aging? Does she live in her own home? Do you live with her?

There are many ways we all caregive and all have their challenges. You'll find lots of support here.
I noticed in your profile your mother is relatively young, so that answers one of my questions. You are very caring to take care of her as you are. It can be very stressful.
I have a feeling that stressedout is 49. Filling out the form can be a bit confusing. :) Welcome, Stressedout. Your name says how many of us feel. Tell us a little more about your mother.
Thank you JessieBelle and cmcwrinkl1 for you welcoming responses! :) I think I'm going to like it here. I feel lucky to have found this forum. :) I think I got confused while I was filing out my profile and put my birthdate in where I was supposed to put Mom's. She's 67 lives in her own home with my stepfather(who doesn't have a lot of patience), my brother(who does do much to help with her) and a family friend who is her primary caregiver. I live 10 minutes away and go there almost everyday. I also have a 16 years old son who has high functioning autism. I work 4 nights a week. I picked stressedout2010 because she first became sick in 2010 and I'm so stressed with the whole situation and everything going on. Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2010. She went through chemo and radiation. She's cancer free and has been for almost 3 years. She hasn't been the same since the treatments. She's had many falls in the past few years. She was able to go out alone and drive up until last spring when we realized that it was too dangerous for her to drive or go out alone. She fell and broke her arm last summer. She had a plate put in her arm 3 months ago because it never healed right. Since then she's declined to the point that she needs 24 hour care and can't be left alone because she's in a wheelchair and gets confused frequently. The sad part is that she thinks she can get up and walk alone and that she's not any more forgetful than anyone else. She doesn't understand why I am telling her doctors that she's forgetful. She can't tell us what the date or month are but does know the year.
Stressedout, you sure have a full plate. My father had Asperger's, though they didn't have a name for it at that time. He, fortunately, was able to hold a job and have a good married life. He wasn't the world's greatest dad, but he did the best he could. The mortgage was always paid and there was food on the table. I hope your son can have a good life, too. My father was lucky because he excelled in electronics, so was always in demand despite his lack of social skills.

Your mother sounds like she may have a touch of dementia. I've noticed that many older people develop what looks like dementia after they go through chemo. I wonder if there is any relation there. It sounds like she has had a rough last few years and everyone is suffering with her. I wish that she would stay seated when no one is around. I know that is a huge problem, since she is likely to fall.

You're in good company. We know there are no easy answers. Talking about the problems, though, help a lot. I get a lot of help here, just reading what other people write. It feels good to know we're not alone.
Thank you, stressedout, for sharing more of your situation. It is so hard when a parent can't seem to recover their health. Then helping take care of them on top of it is even harder. It's good to know you aren't coping with everything completely alone. But the more support we get, the better, and this is a great place for support.
Welcome, stressedout.

I cared for my dad until he died last May and this site was kind enough to let me stay and continue to share my experiences. You're in good hands.

I'm glad that you have the support of a family member and friend while caring for your mom. You just know it's difficult and stressful when it takes 3 people to take care of one little old lady. Although she's not that old.

And while you didn't ask for advice, and I'm sure you do very well with your mom, I saw something the other day I'd like to share. I'm a nurse and at times I do evaluations in facilities. While in a facility I saw a woman who was in a wheelchair and she had that blank stare we associate with dementia or Alzheimer's. She was non verbal. And she continued to try to get up from her wheelchair. But then I saw that she was attached to her wheelchair by a thin, lightweight rope that was attached from the back of the wheelchair (where the back hits her upper back) to the clothes on her shoulder. It allowed her to move around in the wheelchair but would give a slight tug back if she tried to get up. It was fastened by regular clips you would find in a drugstore (little metal thingee's with teeth). She was by no means restrained but I saw that every time she tried to get up that thing would offer resistance and she would sit back in the wheelchair again. I thought it was magnificent. It wasn't cruel or inhumane. It just kept her safe.

Just an FYI.

Again, welcome!
JessieBelle It's so nice to be able to come here for support and advice with yourself and others who understand what I'm going through. Thank you for sharing about your Dad. It gave me some hope for my son's future! :) My son loves electronics also!
I agree that my Mom may be in the beginning stages of dementia. She used to say don't mind me "I have chemo brain" Now it's more than that. She can't tell me what the date is when asked. I have a calendar on her table that we keep next to her when she's watching TV. She knows the year but told her doctor that it was February when asked last week at her PCP appointment. She's having a brain MRI and a PET scan on Monday so hopefully we'll get some answers. She is definitely not the same. Another clue to me is that she used to be a back seat driver but lately she does not say a word about my driving. I used to cringe when I had to drive her anywhere.
cmcwrinkl1..Thank you for asking :) It sure is hard to see her declining and not getting better. I'm so happy to have found this forum. It helps to know that I'm not alone in caring for a parent. It seems to be just what I need.
Irishlass...Sorry about your Dad's passing. I'm glad that you are here. I'm sure that you are a great support to many.
I appreciate your advice. My Mom tends to start doing something and then stops and stares(blank stare) for a minute and doesn't do what she started. She also gets up alone sometimes. She thinks she can. Something like that to keep her safe is a great idea.

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