New to group as a 56 year old caregiver.

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I am new to this group. my husband and I take care of his 55-year-old brother who is wheelchair-bound and has uncontrollable epilepsy along with mentally handicapped. We both work full-time. I have been told that when my husband's mother passed away The mother role transferred to me and I'm good with that. She took care of him all of her life before she passed and was the one to protect him now we have the privilege of protecting him. We try to live as normal lives as we can and we wouldn't have it any other way Others don't understand why we do this. And it can be very hard some days but we love him and could never put him in a nursing home. I read topics about missing out on social life but my husband and I have a date night every Saturday night that we both look forward to so we can talk without interference. I have never been a social person and reading other ones comments on needing to be social makes me wonder if I am missing something. Other family members have said they wondered where we went when we took on the caregiver role They just don't understand. We chose this and we cannot just leave at a moments notice to go to parties or get-togethers everything needs to be planned out. Just thought I would share


Thank you for sharing a different side of caregiving.
Tgifvt, hiya, and welcome to the AC site! I myself, am 55 my husband is 60, and we have been caring for my FIL in our home for nearly 12 years. It definitely is a personal choice to go this route, but having done this now for this long, we are finding ourselves in a difficult spot, as his Dad is now 86 and declining, and so are we. When we initially started this, we were both working, and his Dad was perfectly capable of staying home, and enjoying his retirement after losing his wife to COPD/Pneumonia. But now we are faced with his rapid decline and our severe caregivers burnout, so please understand, that things can and do change, sometimes overnight. I have been coming here and have learned so much, and many of the caregivers on this site have come to mean so much to me, and I consider them my dear friends, my touchstone! I hope, that as you find your way around this caregivers site, that you find the help and support you will need as your lives progress, and I applaud your convictions to help your BIL, and hopefully it will be smooth sailing, but so often, that is not the case. Currently, I am doing research on finding my FIL, the PT resources, whether in home or preferably in patient, as we are in need of a much deserved break. Beyond that, I suppose, everything is up in the air, as this is not an easy road ahead, and we all know that! It sounds as though you are already taking into account that you and your spouse need time together alone, and remember to never underestimate how very important that is. I also hope that you have community based programs in place for you to get additional information and help for when you need it, but this site has been a lifesaver for me, and I appreciate it so much! I hope you find it extremely helpful too! Cheers!
Its good to see your thinking really appreciated and thanks for telling different side of caregiving.
Thanks for telling us such a great feeling and different side of caregiver.

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