The wheels have come off the track- any insights would be helpful!

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My mother is quickly losing it and I would welcome any and all advice. I am reading through this website currently, which will be very helpful.

Since my Dad passed away a few months back, what had been steady but slow mental decline and odd behavior has become much more rapid.

Accusations that my siblings and I are stealing her papers, that we want to have her put in a home, accusations that some of my siblings contributed to my father's death (from cancer!). The list goes on and on, but I guess anyone reading things on here is facing similar issues.

What I am wondering the most about presently is how doctors can or cannot communicate with children. After a series of incidents that led us to believe she was having small strokes (confusion, mood changes, slurred speech, etc.), she went to the doctor and I tagged along. However, I do not have medical POA and wasn't in the room. I did tell an assistant at the office what we had witnessed and they said they'd ask some questions...however, I received no feedback . Should I have? Can they give feedback to me? I do believe that they may have mentioned something to her about assisted living or something similar, as she lashed out yesterday about how we're trying to get her put in a home. No one has mentioned anything of the sort to her from within the family and she has a very small circle, so I assume it came from the doc. Any insights about working with docs would be great. Thanks!

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We don't have Medical POA for Mother but go in the room for every appointment. Doctor calls and gives me test results, etc. We have very open communication wtih all of Mother's doctors. Mother will not do any kind of document regarding her health ...." you just do what you think is right". She is in total denial of her medical situation. All of her problems are related to change in weather or something she ate...lol!
Dallas, I know so much of what you're going through. My mother had major mental mix-ups for the past few years, but since my father died last March, she has moved rapidly downhill. A lot of her problem appears to have been caused by Ativan, since she started taking more to deal with his death. Much of it appears to be caused by her outlook on death. Much of it is caused by depression. And I don't know how much may be caused by dementia. Fortunately, when I got her to cut back on the amount of Ativan she was taking, the craziest behaviors and accusations of theft stopped. I hope that they don't begin again, because it is so hard to live with.

Like littletonway, I also go to my mother's appointments with her. I have to, because she wouldn't be able to remember why she went or what the doctor told her to do. She also tends to be dishonest. She'll want to take some extra medicine that I know she shouldn't and she will say the doctor told her to. When she does that now, I can just say no, he didn't.

There is a form called a HIPAA that your mother can sign that will allow her doctor to share information with select family members and others. They are very handy. If a doctor's office calls, it is much easier often to talk to the caregivers. You can pull a HIPAA form offline and fill it out. Maybe your mother will sign it so her doctor can share. If you approach her with an appealing reason that you want it, she is more likely to sign. For example, you want it so the doctor can talk to you on the phone if she isn't available. Of course, you need to be truthful about why you need the HIPAA. But truth often has to be relayed in different ways when talking to some of our elders.

I hope you can get life back on track soon. Hugs to you.

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