I can't think of many reasons why breaking my ankle is a positive thing. I'm trying to make good of a very bad situation I guess and this is what I have realized: I've been mostly helpless now for five days. I can get around by crawling, hopping on one foot, crutches - forget it - I don't need to fall again. Even with a walker, I can't take care of myself beyond a sponge bath, taking 10 minutes to get to the bathroom, etc. Bottom line - I am depending on my spouse to take care of me which he is trying to do. But, he isn't good at it, he doesn't anticipate my needs, I have to ask for everything, one by one. Then I feel like a baby, a nag, totally a burden. Its 11:40. I've had coffee, no breakfast, because I haven't said I want breakfast, so its assumed if I don't ask, I don't want it. If I ask, I feel like a pest so I am sitting here, hungry and contemplating whether it is worth it to heave myself out of the chair and hobble into the kitchen and eat a bowl of cereal while standing at the counter. Nah, I'll wait until I have to make a bathroom run and grab a cookie and maybe I'll get lunch in another hour or so.
Then it occurred to me - this is probably how most of our parents and grandparents must feel if they have any conscience or if they are still cognizant and know they are helpless and a burden for their most basic needs. I feel more sympathy for all of them, and for my mother (even though she has needs that she refuses to let anyone help her with - so she is the exception)
Anyway, I think about how it must feel to be really old, and wonder if I want to live if I can no longer take care of myself. Worse than being helpless is feeling like a burden.
Sorry for the rambling - I've had wayyyyyyyyyy too much time to think about things.