Hi, I'm new caregiver. Here is a short intro about me!

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I'm new, just coming accross this site yesterday. I'm very glad I found it.
My main concern is for my mother. She is a wonderful woman rapidly declining. Her husband of many years is in a nursing home near her, in the last stages of cancer. She is alone in a dumpy house, out in the middle of nowhere. I am an hour and a half away.
I call her everyday, and go to the house most weekends. this has been going on for 9 months now, and this situation just seems to deterierate everyday. It's so very stressful for me and my sister. We do the best we can.
It's beginning to affect my moods, my work. I'm so stressed most of the time...I dont know how long things can go on like this, yet I see no end in site.
Thanks, all of you for being here. I look forward to many visits to this site. Best, Maureen


Hi, you've come to the right place. I have found so many wonderful people here, supportive, caring, offering solid advice and suggestions to help. Stick around and let us know how we can help.
Wow, thank you - I will
Do you have hud senior housing near you, the rent is based on her income. I'm 70 and live in one and am very satisfied.
Good luck to you.
I know exactly how you feel, I too have become attached to this site for words of wisdom. Mainly I've learned that I'm not crazy for feeling the way that I do and it's good to know that I'm not alone.

Hang in there and learn from all who are going through the same thing.
My mother-in-law and her husband (now deceased) lived in a little two bedroom house and raised three boys. After her husband died in 2007, she stayed on there alone. It was depressing to us, because it was dark, and dirty but she refused to leave. The house also had some issues that had been neglected for a few years because my father-in-law had become overwhelmed I think. She is legally blind with macular degeneration, so it was AWFUL seeing her holed up in that little house. She was really lonely and became kinda demanding of our time because of that. We tried to respect her wishes for as long as we could. I set up a medical alert system for her, and meals on wheels that brought food to her 3x a week. We set up her meds for two weeks at a time in an organizer. Between my sister-in-law and I we pretty much took care of her. She always said she didn't want to be around people, she was fine alone in that house. But she wasn't, and wouldn't admit it. We started looking around for retirement places, then realized she was going to need asst. living instead. Also, she used to fall while she was alone at home and not remember. Once when I was with her, she was rubbing her head and telling me it hurt. When I looked at it, she had a big bump under her hair. She had fallen, but because of the dementia, didn't remember. When she finally fell at home alone and broke her hip (thank goodness for the alert system) we took that opportunity to move her into an asst. living facility. She left for the nursing home/rehab place,and has never gone back to that little house. She admits they take good care of her where she is, but every time she sees us, she tells us how much she hates it. If you and your sister finally come to the place where you know your mom has to move out of her house, get yourself prepared. Start looking for a good place, and when you find one, have your mother take a look. Get her used to the idea, because it will take some time for her to even foster the idea. Don't expect her to say' oh good, now I can move out of the house I love'. But at some point, both you and your sister need to make that decision for her. Present a united front by all means too. When it's time, it's time, you'll know when that is I think. Us girls who are married to her 'boys' all KNEW it was time for her to move out. But the boys were unwilling to force her out. My s-i-l and I knew that THEY had to be the ones to make the decision ultimately. In the end, the broken hip gave us our window of opportunity, but that was NOT something that was fun for her to go through.


Nance made a suggestion you could check out. If you have siblings, taking turns will definitely relieve some of the stress. So will a "me clock." In other words, try to take care of yourself.

The cycle of life can be quite cruel, particularly when we are practically helpless and have no choice but to stand in the sidelines and watch as our parents complete it. For now, all that's left is making arrangements and preparing for what's to come. Time, in my opinion, doesn't heal all wounds. Some are so deep you have no choice but to learn to live with them. But when you remember the good times, when there was love, nurturing, respect, and gratitude, accepting the loss of a loved one becomes much easier.

Don't be a stranger now. We are also your family, so keep us posted.

-- ED
Chick welcome I found this site by accident and then joining up was a hassle but I was able to make calls and thank God they talked me through it-I am from the old school. You will be happy you are here everyone here has so much unwanted knowledge we never asked for any of this believe me but since it was put on us we can use that knowledge to help others sometimes just venting makes you feel better and it is open 24/7 and you always have someone who cares one of my friends is starting this journey and I have been able to give her advice besides my friendship because those who have not been here do NOT understand even though they want to be a good friend.

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