I'm new to caregiving, here's my story.
Could not put on profile.
Grew up in Florida. Parents lived in Florida almost their whole life.
My sister and I both live in Alabama. Father, sister and I went to the University of Alabama. While father in school here my mother lost her first born and has never gotton over his death and blames Alabama - has said, "Alabama took my child". Thus she HATES Alabama.
About 15 years ago they began spending the summers up here. then one summer found a garden home and decided to move up here completely. Sister and I suggested they do it part time and not sell the Florida house but mother insisted. Father had beginning dementia at time so she was making decisions.
They spent 3 long, horrible years here - she hated it. It was very stressful for everyone. One day she told me "she wanted to drive home and not be sent home in a box". She found a house online and bought it without seeing it. Then they moved back. A trip that normally takes 2 days (it is only a 12 hour drive but they have always stopped in Tallahassee and have done this trip for at least 40 years) took them 3 days, they got lost - my father (remember he has dementia) was driving because my mother has macular degeneration and could not drive.
Side note - I had POA should anything happen to one of them - then it would be me - when they moved to Florida my mother said the documents were not legal and changed it so that my father had POA if something happened to my mother and my mother had POA should happen to my father. Like my father would know what to do if something happened to my mother. But hey, this is just one example of millions where my mother is right and not me. (insert anger here)
Sidenote - my nephew was living out of town and wanted to be closer to his daughter so my mother signed the garden home over to him for $100,000 (it was worth about 140,000) with the condition he pay her back when his house sold - this is written up in a legal document. This come into play in a bit.
OK - so they are in Florida - my mother playing it up that they are doing great. They have 24/7 help.
I get called from friends telling me that things aren't really that great. My father's dementia much worse. The sitters call me telling me about problems.
Sorry - not a whole lot I can do long distance, especially since my mother says things are GREAT.
My dad falls, ends up in hospital. This kicked his dementia into advanced stages.
Well now my sister steps in - she has been calling, she even visited and has also gotten calls from the sitters but again nothing much we could do.
My sister decided to have my father transported up here. She arranges it and flyes down to get my mother and drive her up here.
My father arrived at the hospital in an almost coma like condition - they have him on haldol to control him. His toenails are way overgrown, his mouth is all crusty and dried. Luckily no bedsores. It was very hard to see him this way.
Well they start to ease him off the haldol - we did have a fantastic geriatric psychologist. Well he has no idea where he is and why he is there. There are a few times he reconizes me and my sister. He calls my mother (his wife) mother (which she hates because she never liked his mother). We end up having to have 24/7 help in the hospital because he is so frustrated - luckily he is too weak to be able to get out of bed but he yells and tries and would end up falling out of bed.
After about 2 weeks he gets released to a nursing home. Again despite what they tell us, we have to have 24/7 help with him there also.
After 2 weeks the nursing home tells us he is not responding to rehab (because he is just not getting used to the place and really hasn't done much rehab to begin with) and they have to release him. So I have to find another nursing home and he gets moved again.
And you all know what it is like to move someone with demintia to a new enviroment.
2 weeks in new nursing home, still with 24/7 help his oxygen levels start declining and they decide to send him to hospital.
He lives about 2 more weeks.
We go to Florida for funeral.
Mother telling everyone she is staying. There is no way we can leave her in Florida. At this point she is blind, can not walk and had been (finally - my sister and I had seen signs of it )diagonsed with dementia and because of the death of my father and the dementia I am now POA.
We make her come back to Alabama. She tells everyone we have kidnapped her.
We find her a garden home, 24/7 help and a dog.
She hates it. She is unhappy.
Sidenote - my nephew sold his house and never paid her back. We now need the money - who knows what was going on financially in Florida and then the expense of the nursing home and the 24/7 help has really eaten away at the savings.
Now I am about 8 months into a lawsuit with my nephew to get the money (he told me she has been living high on the hog and should be in a nursing home).
I am getting a loan next week because we are out of money.