New here: 87 year old uncle just moved in with me help!!!

Started by

Lots of questions don't know where to begin. Uncle has no children of his own so this is scary for me to see my future as I have no children of my own. He has a health care list a mile long. But main concern is he recently started to sleep more and more in his chair and only gets up to go to bathroom and clean up. He had been getting his own meals together at home (as of last week) now that he is with me since friday the 5th i prepare everything. Should I have him do it? Am I doing him a disservice by waiting on him hand over fist? I would hope he would tell me if he wanted to do it. Or if he is not wanting to hurt my feelings by letting me do it?

6 Comments

Oh, goodness, what a situation. And what a wonderful person you must be. It may be that your uncle feels out of place in your home right now, so he doesn't feel comfortable doing some of the things he used to. If he communicates well, you can ask he what he might like to do. Or perhaps you can include him in meal preparation, so that he feels part of your family. I know you feel stressed right now, and he probably does, too. If he is used to doing things for himself, it wouldn't be good to start doing everything for him. It would be a burden on you, and would make him feel that he was a burden. Elders still like to be useful and productive. Infirmities limit what they can do, but there are many things he can do for himself and you. Much luck coming your way. I know how hard things are right now.
Not sure why someone who is able to take care of themselves would move in.

Really open communication is necessary to make this work. This is going to be a total lifestyle change for you. Suggest you read every post on the board to get a feel of what you possibly face.

Good luck!
In general it is not a good idea to wait on someone hand and foot IF they can do things for themselves. It is good for them physically to get up and move about a little, and good for them mentally to retain a little independence. Try to sort out what he cannot do safely (like manage his medications) and what he could do (get his own breakfast and make a sandwhich for lunch). You are probably treating him as a guest now, but try to transition into treating him as member of the household.

Does he have any cognitive impairments due to the stroke?

What you are doing for your uncle is absolutely awesome. Do your best, and don't be too hard on yourself if things don't always work smoothly.
Hi "littleonway" very long story. Basically I have a Mother in law unit I am getting ready for him. He is steadily declining in mobility because he sits all day. Lots of depression cause he outlived his baby brother, my dad a 66 year old, and just declining. Thought he might have a better end of life closer to family and living on our little hobby farm. So while mil unit is being finished he moved in with us. I am watching him with an eagle eye to access his "situation" to see just how closely I really need to monitor him. He stopped shopping for himself and started to pay my cousin to do it for him, etc....
PLUS his doc told him 10 years ago when he had a stroke he should not be living alone. He is on oxygen, has congestive heart failure, diabetes, lung disease, venous stasis in lower extremities and eats like crap. Needs help with meds (remebering to take them/and making sure he gets proper insulin). Needs to loose about 100 pounds. My Dad promised my uncle he would never put him in a home; but now Dad is gone and I took over where he left off....
He was sleeping just now and heard me walking and looked up said very softly; "did I take my medicine?" "yes" was my reply as I kissed his temple....

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support