New to caregiving and finally starting to deal with mother's upcoming situation.

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New to this site; seems very helpful. Learning what to do to get prepared for the future. I just don't want to get overwhelmed and lose what sanity I have gained through previous and recent therapy.


Welcome, Jinger! This is a great place to learn about things. It is also a great place to vent. Glad you are on board.
Congratulations Jinger. The best gift you can give your parent is to open your eyes and plan for what is to come. I don't see what it is that your mother is facing but the sooner you organize everything the easier it will all be. You should start by assembling all of her advance directives (they will vary state by state) and obtain power of attorney, if you don't already have one. If she doesn't have her estate in order, do so asap too. If you can afford it, get help putting all this together because it is very time consuming and your time is probably best spent keeping sane and enjoying some fun with your mom. Best of luck!
She has a will already drawn up. She has credit card debt which is not good, but it probably exceeds her savings (not good). She thinks the credit balance will be written off when she passes, but I would like it will come out of her estate. No long-term care policy. May have to do a reverse mortgage if she needs a nursing home. That way I can still live in the house (I have nowhere else to go unless out of state with my son. Can't take care of her that far away. House and one car paid for; other car is leased (not the best decision). I am buying items that I will need to take care of her: bibs, bed table, bedside commode, plate guard, etc. She already has elevated toilet seat and rails, walker, cane, reacher. I am a former occupational therapy assistant, so I have an advantage there. She has been having tremendous anxiety lately. That is the hardest thing to deal with so far, for her and for me. I don't have power of attorney yet, but I am a co-signer on her checking account. After researching information and joining this site, I think I am doing pretty well with my plans.
I meant to say I would think the credit balance would be taken from her estate.
Jinger, In what state do you and your mother live? I will see if I can direct you to some more specific information to help you.
Louisiana. Thank you!
Here are a few thoughts for you and places to call. some of them may not be helpful but may be able to point you in the right direction. It seems to me that you must first start with a comprehensive list of what needs to be done To get that list, you will need to have some frank discussions with your mom and perhaps other members of your family as well. You need to know what her financial situation is, specifically. You indicated you are spending your $$ on her equipment and needs. Unless money is no object at all, you should be approaching this a bit more methodically. Has she seen a financial planner recently to figure out her income stream? Does she have long term care insurance? Do you want to live with her? Does your son? In whose name is her house? Be careful of a reverse mortgage as they can blow up on you when you least are able to deal with these things. Also, make it a priority to obtain all the powers of attorney, health care proxy, advance directives, etc taht you will need. A number of books give uou a complete list of what you need to have on hand (mine is coming out but not yet published so I can't send you one yet!). If there is a social worker involved, ask if she has a list. Also, contact the Louisiana council on Aging
They should be able to point you in the right direction at the very least.

Do you have people to help you? There is an excellent book entitled Caring for your elderly parent that has most of the list information you need, although you will still need it tailored to Louisiana law, which is unique. But it has great advice for people like you as you embark on the journey with your parent. In case you do't pick up the book, one of the best insights it gives is to be sure to take care of yourself and laugh and get help as you may have a long and bumpy road ahead.. Let me know if you have trouble finding it or need anything else.
Kindest regards.

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