New and already tired.

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I've been caring for my dad since January - lives alone, paranoid schizophrenic (good while on meds), takes 13 meds and has 4 inhalers, oxygen at night, can't drive. I'm now POA, do all his banking, pay bills, take him to all his dr appts. My younger brother visits every other week and will take our dad to the store. Dad has a kidney stone, scheduled for lithotripsy on July 8.

My mom was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, had 2 rounds of chemo (tumor has shrunk a little over 50% thanks be to God!), and begins radiation July 8.

Mom wants me to be with her for her first radiation. I'm trying to get my dad's sister to take him for surgery but no response from her yet. Next I'll ask my younger brother. Doubt either of them will do it..."I can't. I have to work." Yeah, like I don't have to work. I'm working 3 part time jobs.

I have an older brother but he's 3 states away and isn't in the best shape financially to take off either. However, it would not surprise me in the least if he shows up that day. My stepdad has been taking mom to all her chemo appts and he's done great but he's not in good health either - heart condition and diabetic. Five days a week to radiation that is 30 minutes away for 5-6 weeks will wear on him I'm sure. It would a healthy person.

I started counseling a couple of weeks ago and that has helped. But, it ticks me off that my dad has family here and they have repeatedly told me, "I'll do all I can to help. Just let me know." Right. Liars. And I know that once he's gone, there will be Emmy winning performances soap-opera style about how great he was (that's an entirely different story) and much they loved him. Whatever. It's also sad that my brother, 3 states away, will do whatever he can to help, go into debt or whatever to help and the family here won't lift a finger.

I can't be everywhere at the same time and this isn't the first time this has happened. I really need help but doubt I'll get it.

Just needed to vent to people who understand.


Hi katlady72
Welcome to the forum! So sorry you are dealing with all the stress. It is hard. I am part time caregiver to my Mom-just had her down for a week to give Dad a break. My siblings are not too bad but , yeah, I think they could do more-a lot more.

It amazes me how many people truly believe their lives are the busiest, hardest lives ever. And the delusions that people can live with to rationalize their lack of involvement! I have given up trying to make people give up those illusions--it is just too exhausting trying to change someone's perspective. (like when my MIL explained how her son(my husband) was raised in a very calm rational family unlike myself.---I just wanted to smack her through the phone!--but if that is what she needs to believe to get through the day who am I to take away her "memories". Oops-I think I switched gears on ya! Sorry!

Hang in there. I wish I could tell you that things will change but , from my experience on this forum and reading the stories and posts-it seems that the siblings that don't help in the beginning usually do not help as the disease progresses. But, not always. :). My advice is vent on here and then let it go for awhile so you don't waste useful energy on anger. I just say this because I am a stewing and a wallower and I have to consciously decide not to let things get to me or I will spin spin spin and then collapse! But you found a good place to vent! ((((hugs))))) and welcome!
Try to keep asking your relatives for help. Ask them to schedule a time frame of the hours they can help you, for example, Sunday from 1:00 PM to 4:00PM. Get a firm commitment from them. It makes it so much harder when relatives/siblings won't help, as I am in the same boat. Good Luck

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