I'm new and so glad I found this site.

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My father passed away a year ago at age 96 my mother just turned 89. I am 46 . I was a late in life child. My mother had a fall on Christmas Eve and it caused a pretty bad brain bleed. It left her with mild stroke like symtoms. Added to her moderate demensia and life long battle with depression she is not able to live alone ever again. She does not know this yet as the dr's said it would just destroy her emotionally . She has not been the nicest person growing up. And I see them characteristics now. Its such a strain on me. I love her and do not want her in a nursing home. I'm going to find this site my new home I am sure. So glad I found it. I've read some of the threads and its all to familliar.. Hang in everyone. This won't last forever.

13 Comments

Hi, likefrogs, and welcome! You sound like you are in the same leaky boat that we are all in. It is good to have you in the group. It sounds like your mother is going to be a handful to care for. This is a great place to get advice or just to vent.
LIKEFROGS I am a newbie too! I was sitting in the kitchen tears of frustration running dow my cheeks! I searched elderly depression and ran into this site. I am so glad I joined I know that prayer will see you through but sometimes you just need a word of encouragement. I think we will find it here..
I started this journey in Dec. with my Mother in law and now with my mother. My mother could not live alone and the hospital gave her no choice but to go to a rehab facility. It is very nice. She is gaining weight and has company and is most of all safe. Not all facilities are the same. From what you have said, I wouldn't encourage you to take your mother into your home.
Chicago pot for a 85 yr old ? Really!
Would your Mother understand why she cannot live alone? If you start talking to her about a fun place with new friends she could live, maybe she will come around. When I had to tell my Mother a few months after her husband died that I was moving her near me into a care home, I agonized for 3 months. She was very gracious and accepting when the day arrived and said, she thought about it and knew it was the best thing. (By the way, that was one of few times she surprised me with her cooperation. Lol.)
Sometimes we need to give them more credit, unless they are very unreasonable.
Give everything a try, and take care of yourself:) xo
We are quit new to legalized pot here in AZ. So, I read all about it. All ages are gaining new found health by using it. And as I said, I am healthy, so no need to control pain or increased appetite. But, you mentioned both of these problems. I will shut up.
Thank you so much for all of your replies, not sure what's going on with the pot one.lol... not a bad idea.. hadn't thought of that.. not for my mother but for me...lol J/K. I just know this is a great site and I will find great help here. Thanks again
Bemvindo/a. ... Here you get to circulate, commiserate, and vociferate. There's a method to our madness here, good therapy. Just keep coming baby. We got you.
Welcome frog. I second the motion for her not to move in with you. Sometimes a nightmare. Have you considered an assisted living center or a memory care facility. They are not full blown NH.
If you haven't dealt with mom's finances or even broached the subject with her, you really need to do this. This is a good time as you might be able to use the " Gee Whiz tax season is over, we need to be better prepared for next year" approach. Start a file hard copy binder file and on the laptop. You really need to know pretty detailed what she has and how she get's it from her medications to her interest on an account. Then update all her legal if need be. You many never need it, but if you do, it will all be there winking at you so less panic. I too am a late in life child - runs in the family, my grandmother had her last at 50; my mom is mid 90's and I'm a decade older than you & we have a 15 year old. All my mom's siblings but 1 lived to late 90's. The reality is that with a long life gene pool, they will run out of money eventually so the more planning you can do now for that, the better. If she isn't been seen by a gerontologist, think about moving her to a gerontology group. Good luck and keep a sense of humor!

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