Not only did I lose my son, I never got the chance to know him.
I lost my son Sept 15, 2002. I know that sounds like a long time ago. But it still feels like yesterday. My problem is I lost him when his Dad and I divorced in 1975 when he was just 2 1/2. I was young and didn't have a good paying job and had two other children to care for. My husband at the time made good money and told me if I didn't give him custody, he would take Sterling away and I'd never see him again... so I let him have custody... assuming I'd see him often... that often turned out to be maybe once a year as he moved out of state... I didn't have the money to go visit him and because I was trusting and didn't sign a legal doc. forcing his Dad to bring him back home once a month, I seldom saw him. so I didn't get a chance to really know my son. We wrote letters back and forth, and he was going to come out to Colorado and spend a couple weeks with me so we could really get to know each other. Then two weeks before that was to take place, he was killed. He was in the backroom of a convenient store in Tulsa, Ok. when he and one of the owners heard a gun shot. My son tried to subdue the shooter and was himself shot and killed... I felt so cheated. Not only did I lose him, I never got the chance to know him... I still think of him as a little boy because when you only see them maybe 2 dozen times over their life time, they just don't grow up in your eyes... I do okay for awhile, then it just seem to take over my life again... I missed so much... and have no way of gaining it back... then 2 years later, my daughters husband was killed. I've tried to be very supportive to her, and deal with my own loss on the side... It has really been hard... My sons father died 2 years ago, and his wife has been giving me things of my sons along. Yesterday I recieved a large box of his albums, a western belt, pictures, and every letter I ever wrote to my son. Needless to say, I'm totally a mess again... Can anyone give me any advice?