Never ending sadness.
My father died at his home with me holding his hand and Mom in denial making her lunch as if nothing was wrong, My Dad had hospice 2 times a week. I had to brush his teeth, shave him, get him in and out of wheelchair to use toilet cut his fingernails. Hospice checked him day before he died and said call them the next day but calls to hospice were not returned. It was a terrifying experience to watch my beloved Dad die. Now mom needs care several days a week due to mobility issues and falls and I just can't shake the sadness even when I'm not at their house, I have a husband a single divorced working daughter and 2 grandsons living with me in a big house and want to enjoy them but feel like I am always waiting for phone to ring and another emergency. Mom will not hire help and will not move but is being really sweet to me. Sister is no help even though 1 hour drive away. My husband and daughter and son help out but work full time so the whole situation feels like it is on me. I am on antidepressants but this is just so sad I can't go one day without crying. Maybe this is normal. It is not the way I thought my life would be that is for sure.
I don't even know normal anymore.