Guilt! Needy mom, irresponsible brother and frustrated husband.
I feel guilty. I find myself thinking that ALL the time now. Why? Because of my mom...
My mothers story: my father died when I was eight and my mother didnt re marry until I was eighteen to her high school sweetheart (ironically) who then divorced her after she hit menapause. A few years later my mother gets diagnosed with macular degenration (shes slowly loosing her sight).
So basically my mothers life hasnt been all rainbows and sunshine...And I think thats why I feel so guilty.
When she was first diagnosed she returned to florida to live closer to my brother and I...maybe a little too close. She lives about a 2-3 minute walk from my home.
Three years later:
-She shows up unannounced ALL THE TIME asking for favors.
-She criticizes my husband says hes not family oriented enough (which really means shes upset we dont want to hang out with her EVERYDAY).
-According to her my brother doesnt see her enough so she takes her frustrations out on me.
-Constantly plays the victim to recieve attention...Ugh
Heres the thing: Im a total momma's girl! Shes my best friend. Weve always had a super tight relationship. She depends more on me than my brother. And it affected me as teen and caused me A LOT of stress.
Now as an adult with a husband And trying to focus on my career...Its unbearable!
I write novels so I work from home. Its vital for my writing that Im not under stress and remain undisturbed. Anyone that writes knows how detrimental an unexpected visit/interruption can be in the middle of your flow.
And theres the other thing. My mother and I have polar opposite personalitIes. Im very rational, down to earth, flexible and very much aware of myself and others. Then theres my mom lol. Typical loud spanish woman that embarrasses me in public with her confrontational demeanor and inappropriate behavior. Shes a total sweet heart but if she hears something she doesnt want...Shell eat u alive. I know Im not supposed to me embarrassed because shes my mom but sometimes I wish she could tone it down.
Ive been arguing a lot with my husband because my mother stresses me out on an every other day basis and hes upset how much all of this is affecting me in a negative way (My writing has declined and Im developing sleepin problems).
So what can I do because it feels hopeless. Especially because my mother runs a therapy business from her home (which shes very successful with) and recieves a lot of help from the Vision Impaired program shes in. She has a social life and has many friends in the area. So why does she feel the need to have me around ALL THE TIME and make me feel horrible when I dont oblige her.
And let me point out that Ive verbally told her all of mY feelings and frustrations over and over and over again... and its like my words mean nothing.
Maybe Im just being selfish but if I knew my future daughter or loved one was feeling the way I do...I...I dont know. Im emotionally exhausted and I feel like I wont have some relief until she gets married again.
Sorry for venting. Its just hard because I dont have friends that are caregivers and they always tell me to ignore her (excuse my french but how the hell am i supposed to ignore my own mother?) and the last thing I want to do is talk about this with my husband because when he gets home from work I want to enjoy him and not make him my emotional punching bag. Ugh.
I hope everyone dealing with similar problems all the luck in the world and hopefully some relief too.