Needing to vent about emotionally needy, codependent clingy aging Mother.
(both parents are also financially irresponsible too). I just joined after reading forums online. I actually do not take care of neither of my parents-and don't plan to ever after reading so many horror stories. I love my parents dearly but I find i should add my story for those who can relate. My mom is in her early 60's, very obese, has had some health issues, my dad is early 70's but mainly my parents have a co dependancy relationship and my dad doesn't pay much attention to my mom (problems started in my late teens- im 34 now where my dad had an internet addiction/chatting etc). I remember in my childhood my mom would always be very play the victom, always cried on her birthdays, always made us afraid on the world, always was high strung, (she never abused us or put us down), but she was the type where all our friends could go to her for their problems but we couldn't because she would freak out, etc. Shes a master at guilt trips, always making everything about her. My parents refused to teach us how to drive or teach us anything about surviving on our own when we were teens, they were lazy and never prepared us for the real world (I believe now that my mom secretly was expecting to teach me to be codependent on her and never wanted me to live my own life). She would go bisirk at the thought of my moving away at 18 and would always make me feel guilty for leaving. Mainly my mother ever since I was a teenager wanted me to always stay home and live with them forever it seems (I'm the baby of three girls-my older sisters have pretty much cut off having a close relationship with both parents and they also live out of state). I have been with my wonderful husband for 13 years now and I have a teenager daughter. Ever since we have become financially stable on on our own my mom has become more clingy, needy and co dependent. Long story short, my mother's mom was the same way with her and she would do everything in her power to avoid her and her guilt trips-but she is repeating the same pattern with all her daughters and two already ignore her while she clings onto me like there's no tommorow! Ever since my husband and I moved back to the state my parents live 7 years ago my mom has been increasingly gotten so clingy and emotional vampire. She uses me as an emotional crutch for her marriage problems and as a therapist. She wants to spend all my free time with her (shes worse when she's out of a job cause she has nothing better to do), she stalks my FB page too. My dad never gives her any attention so instead of working on herself and her own happiness she depends on me for her own happiness. Recently me and my husband has bought a new house about 20 min further from our first home (our first home was already about 25 min from my parents' home) but now we are 45 min away from them and she is now emailing me alot telling me how she misses me (We just saw them a week ago). My parents are also bad with money and even tho my dad has retired, they act like we are wealthy just because we are good with our money and are stable. my mom has been already hinting the past few years we should let them move in and or build a "mother in law suite" on our property (not happening ever), and i fear now that we have a bigger home, they will one day wait last minute to have a reason to move in with us (my dad is retired and gets social security and my mom has had temp jobs ever since she got laid off a few years ago). They refuse to sell their big house and down size. Lately my mom has also forwarded me multiple emails until i finally respond. She is emotionally draining. If i dont answer emails she then sends multiple texts. I told her last week she needs to make friends and socialize. She refuses to. She always has been all my life, I just unfortunately have not realized it until a few years ago when we moved back closer to them. It also frustrates me that because my other sisters distance their selves from my parents (which i dont blame them), that my mom will forever cling onto me the most esp since I live in the same state. Even tho my parents are not elderly yet, I fear they will expect me to take care of them. They have no savings and only live on SS and temp jobs. I know everyone will say i am not responsible for her happiness I know that..just venting. I'm already stressed about if my dad were to die before my mom it would be hell for me cause there is no other family in this state. Everyone lives out of state. I'm trying to look for ways to plan for the future on retirement homes for them so they dont ever ask to live with us. I know im sounding selfish, but I also know that it was there choice to have children and its their responsibilty to work on their marriage because once the kids move out you have only your marriage left. I love my mom but find myself starting to avoid her just like SHE did when my grandma was alive. I've told her to seek counceling in the past, she also refuses. I trully believe my mom enjoys staying in her victom mentality.