I need to find a caregiver support group for my mom and I.

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I have been living with my 81 yr old mom since April, 07. I am her main caregiver. I have 2 sisters, who live close and a brother her lives out of state....several states away. After a family conference Friday night (excluding my brother) it was decided I need a caregiver support group. I haven't found one locally yet. My sister found this web site for me and said it would help. So here I am.

Mom worries constantly about money. So every time it comes to bill paying...there is problems. I pay half of the bills. I know she lives on a fixed income, but so do I. I have also tried to realize and understand since I've been living here, is that she lived through the depression and the worry about bills and money is normal. Just makes me crazy every month.

During the family meeting it was also decided that mom and I both need family couseling...because we're like an old married couple trying to live together. I have taken care of that.

I handle all the bills, dr appts, dental appts, procedures, and medications. My sisters said they do need to help out more..so thats a help. They did say that since I was the one that lived with her...and knew how she acted or whatever was going on with her...it was best that I do the dr appts. Also, alot of people didn't need to be messing with her meds. Mom and I go to the same dentist...so I set appts at the same time. Any procedures they can take her to.

It was also decided to need to get out more, I know that and am going to start getting out more.

Anyway....this may be just rambling...but it's a start.

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yes its hard, but you arent being a baby. i know that i never imagined that id be going through this. im terrified!

its so great that you got to get out and have some "you" time. i bet it was fun and a great breather.

your sisters recognized that you are strong in what you are doing. they are thanking you for that strength.. id have broken down too..
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Oh my oh my....you guys do have it much harder. I can leave mom....she doesn't have Alzheimer's...she's almost blind....she has osteoporosis real bad...has broken 6 bones in the last few years. I can get away...I just haven't... We've got mom set up with the necklace around her neck where she can call for help if she needs it.

I did find a support group for me for caregivers. I have found couseling for mom and I (she just doesn't want to spend the money). Oh yea guys I met with a girl I graduated with this afternoon and had coffee.

I guess living here and mom depending on me more and more...it's just hard.

I guess I'm being a baby or something.....my younger sister said that she hasn't told me, but she thanks me for what I do....and my older sister said the same.... I broke down and started crying....I guess I wanted to hear that.

Thanks so much to everyone....and you all are doing wonderful services to your moms/dads.
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if the help works out, greyson.. spring isnt that too far away! i dont see with all these resources available why we cant enjoy things like that
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Im in the country. I step outside and never see a neighbor, and occasionally engage a deer in conversation...note they do not run away, but stare at me wondering what is this ding dong doing?

I can't goto sleep until I hear him snoring.

I won't leave until I have someone who can take my place...I called the scooter store today, I too need something to charge.

And its just too dog gone cold to go fishing...
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Hey there Bamaellie,

I am 24/7 too. I read all of the posts, and wanted to suggest something. During this family meeting - which sounds great, but want to suggest that as a 247 with a family that sees what you do, should offer (with or without mom) to pay for & subsidize you for 1). support group counseling and 2). respite day off.....maybe even one sibling can take you to lunch while the other watches mom.

Even if you only go to a once a month group at your local senior center or area agency on aging; even if you only get out of the house 1 afternoon a week and go to the park, zoo, or anywhere with other humans and sunshine you will have such a better outlook on things. It will help your physical health too. Once you are immersed in the day to day of being a caregiver, these small things fall away until nothing is left and you start to who that person in the mirror is.

I am a single caregiver for my mom and have been doing it all for over 6 years. No one else in the picture. The first respite day I ever had I didn't know what to do with myself. But it opened up my eyes to how important it is - and those few respite days are like gold, recharging me for the times that I will be up all night or at the hospital, or just dealing with all of the small stuff that cause us to feel bone weary.

It always amazes me how much energy we expend as caregivers, but how little understanding there is. As your family to help - ask them also to help plan and go on an outing with your mom if she is able to get out. This site is the best support group I have ever found, and I am in a metropolitan area, however you still need sun and to be out in the world once and a while. I always worry that I will end up like the daughter in Grey Gardens (sans scarves and cat food cans) if anyone has ever seen that documentary or play.

Happy New Year.
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My life before my mom is quickly fading. i moved from the country where on my days off id go out to my grannies and mess with the horses and puppies and peacocks. Walk out on the property where i lived. i need to get my mom out of the house. its the best for both of us. charge her chair real good one night and go for a long walk. maybe across the bridge to the little shops and have some lunch. its hard to go out and do anything by yourself when all you can think of is "whats going on?" its why i cant sleep at night. when i know shes down for at least 2 hours without fail, ill go downtairs and sit out in front of the building or to the 24 hour grocery. not fancy at all. but its not here.
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Try telling the person you're caring for that you need sometime.

My dad cannot be left home alone, yet EVERY single day he pesters me about getting him into his bed, and going to get myself a cup of coffee at the diner. Its irresponsible for me to comply, which causes him to get quite upset.

I always live by the rule of, the most hardest thing to do, is most often the best thing to do.

I have a sitter coming out to meet him on Friday, than we can arrange times that she can be here, and I can go have some Greyson time.
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oh haha, greyson! :P

Bam, so true about volunteering at a hospital. Library? i know i read a lot! Animal shelter? Or is that just me? but then id just want to bring them all home. I used to be a candy striper when i was younger..much younger haha and I used to do Meals On Wheels. The people i volunteered with were great to chat with as we prepared all the meals! I remember this little asain couple that would wait for us at the back door with a tray. he would come out we'd bow and id give him their meals. i was helping the elderly and disabled in a much different way. just a smile and it would brighten their day. without getting too involved!

pearlie, the joke is on the "housekeeper" then isnt it? she wont get anything out of it and your dad still has that so-called companionship. My mom and i talked lastnight. although i want t apply and get paid to be her paid caregiver, that would mean hers would no longer come here. its a little respite for both of us i realized. she and i are in the same situation with our moms etc and my mom really does like her. it works for us all.
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Kelley you ABSOLUTELY DID NOT OFFEND ME!!!!! I appreciate the input - knowledge. I now handle all his finances, so I know he cannot give her any more money without my knowledge. I'm not 24/7 (even though sometimes it feels like it) - so for those of you that are my heart, prayers, support and everything goes out to all of you. Remember yourself first. Thanks to all.
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Greyson....I also meant that comment for you too...duh...I am so dumb sometimes. Dad gets out....and you need to get out too. Check some things out.
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