Just need support.

Follow
Share

I'm very new to this world of having a parent with dementia. Seven weeks ago my dad broke 3 ribs from a fall, and 36 hours after being in the hospital, he went into alcohol withdrawal. We knew he was a heavy evening drinker, but didn't realize just how much. Also had A-Fib, Diabetes, overweight, etc. Following withdrawal came respiratory failure, put on life support twice within a week. Between the withdrawal and ICU experience, his body has been through the ringer. As he became more alert he showed signs of dementia. All the doctors were sure he had plateaued and wouldn't get better. Fast-forward to today: He's been in a memory care/nursing home for a week and is getting more alert and remembering more every day. Definitely has some level of dementia, though. However, he talks nonstop with the staff and is much more coherent than the other residents. He wrote me and my husband a little letter, apologizing for being argumentative with us the day before. He remembers things from the past and from day to day. I think my issue is that I can't see the future. :) It doesn't seem like he belongs there, but if he doesn't get any better than he is, he'll be stuck there. At least that's how I feel. He wants me to "pick him up and take him to a hotel just for a night or two." He wants out, which I know is normal. Ugh. That's all for now. This is hard.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
14

Comments

Show:
Chdottir, Ah, a fellow-PK! 😊 Thank you for the tips. A worker at the care facility said exactly what you did - just continue to say that it's up to the doctor, etc. Thank you!!
(3)
Report

JennyKat - it must be hard. I don't think you need to bring up the poor choices he made. Just keep repeating - you need to stay here until you are well enough to leave. And if authority makes any difference you could say, until the DOCTOR says you are well enough to leave. Would bringing in his pastor be of any help? (BTW my father was a Luther pastor also :) )
(3)
Report

Sometimes we get off topic here or don't exactly answer the OP question but that's when I get the most laughs and super good ideas here!
(2)
Report

Thank you, everyone! The reference to the bible is hilarious because my dad is a retired Lutheran pastor, and one of the comments he makes often is, "Who in the world is in charge of this church(the facility)? And who's monitoring those kids (the CNAs) over there? They sure work hard!" He gets on kicks talking about the gospel as well. One other question: He keeps asking me about making a plan to get into another facility. Of course I'm not going to give in (I've watched him struggle through a speech/cognitive session and he's super low still). However, what do I respond with? He knows his drinking caused all this - do I get firm with him and respond with "Here's the deal...you chose to drink, you chose to not take care of yourself, and now here you are, and you're staying here until you get better." Or...??
(4)
Report

Charmer and Manipulater!

That's my dad. It used to work, not anymore! Still learning how to handle those situations when they arise, with big thanks to AC friends!

Keep on reading here jennycat68
(2)
Report

Oh Rainmom, that's a great one! hee, hee


John Chapter 2 vs 1-11 says, He turned water into wine but never said that He
DRANK any!
(2)
Report

Good one Rainmom! Bwahaha!
(2)
Report

Jennykate whatever you do do not take him out of memory care. Alcohohics can be very devious and he may slip out of your clutches. They can also be extremely charming when it suites there purpose to manipulate someone. Basically you will have to get used to not believing whatever comes out of his mouth until you verify it for yourself.
Dad has some significant diseases other than the dementia and broken ribs, and needs to be stabilized after all he has been through. Supervised care is the thing he needs right now and that is what he is getting.
Another problem that is serious and crops up in alcoholics is liver failure, this can also cause dementia.
As you say you are new to this and everyone here will tell you it is a steep learning curve.
Don't take everything you read here as gospel mostly it is peoples' opinions and experiences. Do some research yourself on everything he has got wrong with him and ask lots of questions of the staff careing for Dad.
He may remain dried out if Dad stays in memory care but that is not going to make his other problems go away magically. The A fib is particularly worrying. Does he have a good cardiologist?
(2)
Report

Bootshop- next time your mother brings up Jesus drinking wine, answer - "yeah well, Jesus turned water into wine. Here's a glass of water - knock yourself out".
(14)
Report

In my mom's case the hospital I.c.u. made her dementia worse. She broke her pelvis and her back. She told everybody she saw that a little glass of wine would be good. She had to go to a behavioral unit hospital before she went to rehab. This is hard. I think she had a little withdraw going on there plus alot of new meds mixed in made a very bad combo. It's also extra hard when it is your parent and they are telling you "Jesus drank wine"!
(3)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions