I REALLY need help w/ caregiving, but parents refuse. I'm in severe pain. HELP...

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I'm the sole caregiver for my mom and s-dad. My mom is getting progressivly worse very fast. Her drivers license was just taken away. She has multiple health issues, physically and emotionally. I'm on disability myself for multiple chronic pain conditions and have severe pain 24/7/365. My pain is getting much worse, as is the depression and anxiety. All I want to do is sleep...all day and night. I have no life of my own at all. I'm not allowed to have "friends" into their house. My mother doesn't seem to care that I'm in pain and has a list of things for me to do most every day. My back feels broken. I'm starting to have much worse pain and can barely function myself. I don't care about things anymore. I don't do anything for enjoyment. I have too much pain to go out, except when I must go out for groceries, etc...for them. My mom see's me crying in pain, short of breath, sweating, etc... b/c the pain is so bad. Yet, she doesn't seem to care. I've called the Office of Aging, Seniors Helping Seniors, etc... anywhere and anyone I thought could help. But since my mom refuses any outside help, I'm totally alone. I feel my own health declining fast and fear that my life will be cut short b/c of trying to keep up with all of the demands, errands, housekeeping, constant laundry, etc... I just can't do it anymore and don't know where to turn. My mom's dr. told her that she MUST go to PT. Her first appt. was s/p to be today. She cancelled it and said she won't go. She won't help herself and is so stubborn. I don't matter. I'm alone. I have no money to leave. I feel like I need an Intervention b/c of the serious situation I find myself in. Any idea's of what I can do to get help? I cannot continue to clean, etc... I have barely enough money to pay my own bills, but want to get someone to come in to clean, etc... I'm on strong pain meds and an antidepressant, but they don't seem to be working. I feel so so trapped. I need friends who understand all we go through as caregivers and all of our own lives that we must give up. I need to keep in touch with others like myself b/c I feel like I'm going to lose my mind and fear my own health going downhill fast.
Thanks everyone. I thank God for this group and all of you!
Kathy

1 Comment

Your mother is making decisions, such as she will not go to PT and she will not allow outside help.

You can (and must) make some decisions, too, such as you will not continue to wait on her, you will not clean the house, you will not do the cooking.

Call Adult Protection Services. Explain that your mother and s-dad need care and that you are physically unable to provide it anymore. You do not wish to neglect them or see them in distress, but you simply cannot continue. In fact you need some services, too.

It is possible that they won't be able to take action, but trying is better than not.

If you are on disability, you may be eligible for Medicaid (are you on it now? In some states it is automatic with disability, in others you have to apply for it.) Have you ever looked into subsidized housing? I think you should take full advantage of every service and benefit available to you, to heal, to get on your feet again physically, mentally, and emotionally. You must feel very trapped where you are. I hope you can remove yourself from that trap. It can't happen overnight, but if you are working toward that goal, perhaps the heavy load will seem more bearable.

And you are probably right that your mother does not care that you are in pain. Maybe she cannot help that she does not care. I'm not trying to judge her, but to be realistic about this situation. If you are hoping/waiting for her to wake up to her responsibilities and start caring about you, I'm afraid it ain't gonna happen. You need to take charge of improvements in your life.

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