I need help regarding my Mom/feel hurt and stressed.
I'm new here. Did anyone here ever have a parent say to you “what is wrong with YOU”? I get this “are you okay?” because I will (and I do this without thinking, I admit) say “well, you said such and such”. This could be in reference to something from months or years ago. i dont do it deliberately. To which she will say “I never said that”. What is wrong with you?” So my response is something like “oh I must have made a mistake”. But it does not end there. She seems so angry so much and says that I am angry at her or that I make her angry. I am there with my mouth half open trying to figure out how the conversation got so out of hand that I am the bad guy. I don’t know how to stop things from going viral. Then she will say she never wants to talk to me again.
The most recent thing was this: She accused me of wanting her money. What? She doesn’t have much and doesn’t own her own home, so I don’t get it. The other day this all came about because she has a carer who she said she is giving things to. I thought about the jewelry she owns and keeps in her closet so I asked her if she is giving this jewelry to the carer and she started screaming at me that I want her money and her jewelry and it was awful. Then she said "give me your money so I can go to Assisted Living. I cant do this because she would lose her Medicaid if she got aid. Not only don’t I want anything from her, but I am partially supporting her for years. She doesn't have much and none of this makes sense to me. I felt guilty for not saying, yes, you can have my money. Trying to explain to her that she cannot go into Assisted Living never works because she doesn't understand why. She hates where she lives (too long a story to go into but it is legitimate complaints). She cant reason it through and thinks I am against her.
I know it’s the disease, but she can act so nice in front of other people. My brother is an example. If she is with him and she “starts”, he rudely shuts her up with “don’t talk negative”. And she listens. I cant be that heartless.
She was never this way all her life and now she is someone I don’t like much and cant deal with, but I love her. Please help me to know how to handle this. Feel bad to have to come to a site and write this.